ParaPrincess

2012-02-28T20:09:00.003Z

On the Friday I decided last minute to go to a small, free, event where local DJs play. I decided to wear a sheer lace black dress with leopard print pencil skirt and fishnet tights. On arrival I got the chair out and wheeled to the side door where I was let in and made my way to the sparsely populated dance floor. I had a good time dancing to the tunes, a girl there recognised me from my car modelling days so I stayed by her for the remainder of the night. Half way through the night a pack of roiders came in and sure enough most of them came and bothered me at some point. I honestly wish I had a stick to beat them off. I noticed a lad staring at me quite intently which unnerved me but he was aesthetically pleasing and friends with the girl who knew me so I didn't take too much offence. At the end of the night though I felt nervous about the lad and made a sharp getaway whilst he was in the toilets. I instantly regretted it but felt it best and came home to find a friend request from the girl who recognised me and lo and behold the lad who had been perusing me was in her photos. So I added him.

On Saturday I went to an event in Swansea, alone. I was carried upstairs and a friend of mine was there. I made him accompany me to the toilet. He looked very shocked when I had a wee! After he left I partied on then chased him to his home and made my nest on his sofa til he evicted me late Sunday. The lad from Friday accepted my FaceBook request and we started chatting culminating on a cinema date Tuesday. Wednesday was spent filming with the BBC which was arduous and wet. I enjoyed it but they appear to have latched onto the 'adult' side of my being.

Thursday I went for a meal with the lad from Friday then I returned to his place where we just chilled out with his brother. I left early Friday as I promised to see a film with a friend but as I was waiting for him I had a call as I ordered a corner sofa and it was on it's way! We grabbed a carvery and by the time the sofa came and was assembled my friend wanted to go home so I picked Friday guy up and, well, kept him. LOL. I wanted to get a new chest of drawers but all my plans come at once. I managed to get my nails done and have a sunbed and he went home for a change of clothes and today I took him back at about 2pm and went to see a film with my friend. I had pancakes for dinner and am now preparing to go to Swansea tomorrow, returning Friday.

2012-02-17T15:35:00.002Z

On Tuesday I had a visit from BBC3 about a documentary on prejudice. After this I went for a carvery and to the hospital to visit a friend who has been having diabetic issues and was scheduled to have a toe removed :-( I didn't realise visiting was only until 5pm and they evicted me so I went to see my sister for a while. She was glad for grown up company but all she did was talk about her baby which was a shame! I had to leave by bumming down her stairs then transferring into my chair at the bottom. Back home I fed the cats and went to bed.

Wednesday I rested to make sure my bum is healing. It is dry and seems to be healing well.

Thursday I called Chris and we went to the sunbed then for a carvery and on to the hospital to see my friend. On the way back we checked Tesco for any late night reductions but, alas, it was not to be.

Today I was woken by Motability refusing my appeal for insurance so I've requested a copy of my incidents to get an accurate quote and need to get things moving as my car runs out 23rd April. Not a good year at all so far, I'm trying to hold it all together and make it look good but it is slowly falling apart.

On a plus note BBC3 are coming Wednesday to follow me about, I have a massage coming in an hour or so and I'm hoping to attend an event tomorrow but not having luck getting passengers for a fuel share.

Let's make the most of the car and my life, I may go wild. Unfortunately it's not the end of the world and I've considered begging in Cardiff ha ha I've heard I could make money!

2012-02-13T11:38:00.003Z

I went to Swansea Friday for an event. As usual it wasn't accessible so I got carried up a few steps to use the toilets then got carried to the upstairs room. I was approached a lot, one girl came up to me and said she'd had cancer. I was like 'good for you!'. What is that all about? It wasn't the best night though son we left, took a friend home and a lad I've met through clubbing said we could call in so we did! He helped me into his premises and we just stayed there til late Saturday. There was an event in his local town which we attended, I was a mess ha ha in the same clothes and make up, the event had been cancelled and I was supporting my carcass on the table. He helped me in and out of his car but on exiting he said 'are you doing a straight transfer?'. He seems nice enough, I hope I didn't do his head in over the weekend as I can be a pig of a girl. I say what's on my mind and sometimes I'm a bit graphic ha ha x when it came to using the toilet I just got a catheter and bag and went on the kitchen floor. Classy bird aye!

Back home I had a few booty call texts which I reacted to with an aggressive assault strategy ha ha then slept til Sunday afternoon. I got up, had a shower and did my bowel care then went to the local store for calorific supplies. Chris came up and made my bed as I've been in the spare room since I shit the bed and washed everything I'd made a mess of. He left at about 2am I think? I was half asleep by then.

I was awakened by BBC3 this morning as they wish to pursue a documentary about prejudice and they've heard of me through various endeavours, mainly my charity work so fingers crossed! They're coming tomorrow!

2012-02-10T15:54:00.002Z

I had another visit before I came home Thursday and Friday was spent in Bionic, a local event. I got carried in and the toilets were less than accessible. There were pick pockets about too. At the close I took my passengers home and found myself on a comfy chair. I didn't move enough though and acquired 2 blisters and a huge dark red, nearly purple, area. I am currently on as much bed rest as possible.

I did visit a friend in hospital which is where I realised my skin felt odd to the touch. I've had 2 carveries and Chris has been to help me out. I want to go out tonight but not sure about my butt. It's below the coccyx but not where I sit. I've had a shower and a massage is coming at about 7pm.

On Monday or Tuesday I didn't clear my bowels properly and shit the bed so Chris saved me and I had to clean my mattress cover and duvet, it was everywhere. I am living in the spare room as it's smaller, easier to heat and has a bed made up! Chris rearranged my room so the heater can do it's job properly (it was behind a wardrobe) and I've bought a corner sofa!!

I did have a sunbed in the week too, my leg is healing and I bought some clothes that are still in the car!

Oh, and I was ticketed in a disabled bay and they refuse to let me off so I'm making a fuss, take me to court if they want. Bastards.

2012-02-01T16:30:00.002Z

As some of you may know I have been privy to meeting several fans lately. I've had a sudden influx. I'm hoping word is getting around!

On Sunday night I met a friend. A confused friend who, I think, wants to keep his options open. He declares he still has feelings for me yet doesn't want a relationship (bit forward, we dated before my accident and haven't even kissed since). I had the doctors at 11am Monday and managed an hour's sleep. I had to force myself up and get washed and dressed then drive to the clinic where I transferred out. I had my burn looked at as well as some small moles that sometimes irritate me. He prescribed me penicillin as the burn may have looked infected and scheduled me in for mole removal.

Back home I went straight back to bed until 6pm when Chris text to announce his upcoming arrival. I got up, had a shower and did some general housework as well as packing my case ready to visit my fan. Chris arrived at 9 and we went to the supermarket for bits of food that I can eat in the hotel. I was in bed before 1am and up at 8am ready to drive to London.

On my way to London I attempted to replace my blue badge only to be informed they only issue ONE replacement and basically tough shit! I kicked off and now they'll issue one based on my mobility component as opposed to my disability. I also collected my penicillin on the way.

Half way to London I stopped in the services for a sandwich and wee, I made it to Earls Court for 1pm. My fan requested me for 6pm so I viewed the disabled room, decided it was adequate and 'moved in'. At 5pm I got dressed (as per my new AdultWork clip) and wheeled to the lift, glided through the foyer and got into my car before driving to King's Cross where we met and spent a wonderful 4 hours.

On the way back to my hotel there had been a fire so the traffic was even worse than usual, which is bad in London practically 24/7, and it took me nearly 2 hours to cover the 15 miles. It took me an hour to get to King's Cross to begin with! The gentleman I was visiting accidentally booked a hostel but it was accessible and trendy. I did have to transfer to the floor and lift into the bathroom and onto the toilet to do my catheter but it was all good. I like to show off and he enjoyed watching. He painted my toes, massaged my legs and back and we had a fabulous meal at a local Italian.

Today I had a shower in the lovely wheel in shower. i did my usual cheat of putting the shower tube up my bum to rinse myself out. I've been munching all day, damn food! I'm hoping for some visits but I've only had one so far.

2012-01-29T13:13:00.002Z

I spent as long as possible in bed Wednesday as I was aching all over and feeling a little run down, probably from over exertion over the days prior.

Thursday I took Chris to an appointment then went to get yet another disabled badge as I lost mine through my open car window (again) but realised I had no photo on me for said badge so we went on to the sunbed and I got some items from the shops that I needed. I did hope to shop for a new car but there's a drama ongoing with my insurance which I need to appeal. Worst case scenario is I'll have to get my own car and insure it myself. I will work around this. I sit here thinking of people complaining about how terrible their year is and they have petty things bothering them. If I wrote down every little bad thing (or big bad thing) that happened I think I'd have very suicidal reading for them! I'm glad I have a better approach to things. I know my life is mine and bad things happen yet I enjoy the good things more. Some appear to enjoy the bad more, in a negative way though. We visited my folks then went to a new steak place down Cardiff Bay which was a delight! I had to return early as I had a Driver's Awareness Course Friday.

Friday I was up at 7.20 to be in Cardiff for 8:45. I did my course (which I hope will help in my insurance appeal) and on the way home I went to a supermarket for stamps and bin liners. I defrosted some home made spaghetti bolognaise mix and cooked pasta, had a wee and enjoyed my forward planning on freezing the mince meat/mushroom mix! I saw a friend's status on Facebook and picked her up and we went to an event where I got carried up the steps. The toilet was difficult and a girl there assumed my catheter was a used needle! The management came in and I showed them my catheter and how it works and he was so embarrassed he bought me 2 drinks (J20). I didn't even dress up or have make up on yet men approached me. I am just so lush ha ha xx

I got back about 7am and slept on and off until 10am Sunday! I must have needed it! When I got up I checked the burn on my leg. Looks a mess! Is healing but looks like an alien. Did my Peristeen and had a wash, dressed in a pair of white jeans and vest with fleece bedtime jacket and put the heating on in the living room as I am really feeling the cold today.

2012-01-24T17:05:00.002Z

I just need to share with someone that today Chris found an empty bag which had traces of amphetamine (speed - an illegal drug) in the soap dish of my en-suite shower - a room I rarely use and I can't see in or reach the soap dish). The last person to use that room was the Polish guy... after I moved the Polish guy out I found unused needles in a box in the spare bedroom and before he moved out I found a parcel in the bin in the spare room with my name and address on (in his writing) with a weird address on the back attributed to his name (something like 'Off The Bridge in Cardiff' as if to imply suicide, again) which contained the remnants of a destroyed mobile phone.

I'm not sure how I feel about this and I'm not sure what I'm hoping to hear back, it just feels a bit cathartic to get this weirdness out there.

I kind of wish Chris didn't show me but he did the right thing, I think I'd be more upset if he just hid it from he.

I'm back from Birmingham now, I had assistance to my car and had a carvery on the way home. Back home Chris brought my luggage in and I put everything back where it lives. We will see Underworld later in the cinema :-)

2012-01-22T23:26:00.004Z

I felt well enough to attend voluntary work Friday. I did want to get up earlier than I did but I was drained so I stayed in bed. I've been getting slightly purple legs and cold feet even after being in bed all night. Also, I think I have a small grade 1 pressure sore on my butt cheek so I'm keeping an eye on it. After voluntary work i went straight to the carvery then home where I showered, did my Peristeen and got dressed in a white fishnet top, pink gingham corset, white tutu, white leg warmers and pink suede high heels. I put a pink wig on, did my face and picked some friends up for a free event in a club in Swansea.

It was quite empty and I got carried up the stairs and danced all night til it ended abruptly and I got carried back down and drove to a friend's where we all chatted til I knew I only had 24 hours left before going away and had assistance to the car and went home. I was in bed at 10am and stayed there til 5pm!

Saturday Chris came up to help me tidy my flat and car and we went to a local Beefeater. I arranged my various online literature before clocking in to my bed by 3am. I had a stretch, felt my bum and that's when I thought something could be awry and called Chris in. It was red and didn't blanch but today is smaller but more grazed. I think it could be a sloppy transferring issue! I got up at 10ish, had a stretch and a shower as well as a very quick clear out of my bowels then dressed in my grey and black jumper dress with tights and grey Pineapple boots.

I can't divulge too much because I've been made aware that a certain imported old flame has become acquainted with this Blog but if I reveal that I met a Dev and hope to pursue some connections whilst in the area hopefully you'll get my drift! I'm using ambiguous and/or grandiose verbatim as he utilises Google Translate ;-) this 'alien' is not as fluent in our native tongue as he'd like others to believe! What a weirdo!!

2012-01-19T10:51:00.002Z

Today I finally got fitted for a new wheelchair! I was up by half 7 and had my usual shower/toilet routine before moisturising myself in bed and pulling on some thigh high socks, a white tartan mini skirt, grey long sleeved t shirt and long black wool jumper. I eased on my grey Pineapple boots, had some cereal and got in the car and made my way to the clinic. There they discussed a different cushion to stop my pelvis rolling and to keep my legs in place and back support as I have two car wash sponges in the back rest at the moment. I chose a similar colour - dark metallic grey and had a nurse look at my leg as on Monday I noticed a massive long blister on my thigh! I don't know how I obtained it, I don't drink hot drinks, I'm careful with cooking, my jeans were dry and I have a laptop cushion. I put Jelonet on it but didn't have bandages so it came off that night and the blister popped. Now I have an iodine swab on it and a plaster.

I have a dentist appointment shortly as a recent filling is very sensitive.

Last night Chris and I went to Harvester's for dinner, I couldn't bear another night on peas and sweetcorn despite my money issues. I have mince meat defrosted at the moment and aim to get mushrooms, cheese and peppers and make a lasagne. Hopefully I'll remember to freeze some!

Tomorrow I have voluntary work as I couldn't go yesterday due to recent filling - it came out whilst eating cereal! It was fixed and I'm not really sure what's happening to it today, it may be a temporary filling? I'll soon find out!

2012-01-13T23:45:00.002Z

I didn't realise it'd been a week! One day merges into another and I don't know what days I've done what on! I had a massage earlier though, it's really helping with my back and I'm making sure I do my Yoga stretches morning and night. I've had 2 sunbeds and taken myself to 2 carveries as well as doing my half day in voluntary work. Tonight I went to the cinema with Chris and ate too many cakes (if that's possible) and my grandparents have been over.

I have an appointment for a wheelchair assessment this month and I need to start looking for my next car! It's all going on and I'm trying not to over exert myself as my battery runs out too soon otherwise!

2012-01-06T17:10:00.002Z

I had my massage Tuesday. First though I went for a sunbed and to visit my folks. Wednesday Chris and I went for food and I had a sunbed yesterday too.

Today I woke up for voluntary work and couldn't breathe properly plus my hands were tingling and my back, shoulders and neck stiff. I hate having bad days and being a let down which made me feel more anxious but I called, left a message and rested til I was OK to make a call to the office. I felt like I didn't want to speak to anyone but now I've forced myself out of bed and done my usual thing I feel better but not 100%. I'm having a lot of tingling in my legs and I'm making sure my body is relaxed and I'm breathing. I am tensing up a lot without realising.

I can tell I'm not right too as my flow of words isn't coming! Never mind, a nice rest and some vegetables and everything will be OK ha x

2012-01-02T15:30:00.004Z

On the 28th I had a long due massage! He arrived at 11 and I managed to swing up onto the massage table where I had all my aches and pains soothed away. I hope to have more as I'm having a lot of muscle pain and he said I have scar tissue in my shoulder. I was very relaxed after, wanted to sleep! I had things to do though and went for my obligatory sunbed.

On Thursday I took my friend to A&E and he's pulled a muscle and to be honest the symptoms were heart attack so he got checked out and it was just a strained muscle. I went home leaving him there as he was so long and that evening me and Chris went to Harvesters.

On Friday I was way too tired for work so I just replenished my energy in bed.

On Saturday I had a hell of a day. I got up and was dizzy, did my Peristeen and misjudged and pooped everywhere. Then I smashed my glass kettle in turn nearly slitting my wrist!! I called Chris who sent one of the lads down to help me as I'd had enough. I wasn't even ashamed that I was only in my bra! After some food I started getting ready for the night in a leopard print corset with tutu, tail, ears and socks complete with matching shoes. I wore a red wig and picked my sister up. I looked for a McDonald's that was open but alas, it was not to be!

At the event we attended I got carried up the metal stairs. It was loud and there were noisy people everywhere. Instantly I was pissed off, people kept coming up to me and bothering me. I shouted at a few to leave me alone. I despise superfluous conversation, I'd only just entered the building and I don't give a toss about New Year, just leave me alone! I soon found a good spot in which to dance and many a man approached me only for me to shun his advances. Only one guy pushed it too far and I had to shout at him to back off.

Some of the DJ guy's old friends were at the same event as me and I knid of know them anyway. Some of them all came and sat by me for a natter which was nice. On leaving I got carried downstairs and my sister and I went for a McD's. It was the breakfast unfortunately. And it was disgusting. On the way back from hers a friend text saying he was stuck in a local town so I picked him up and took him home then got into bed about 8am!

I spent yesterday in bed except to make some curly fries and sea bass. I need sustenance! I had a wash, not that there was any point as it was gone 5pm, and uploaded some images to the internet. I didn't take many pictures as I'm always too busy having fun!

Today I was hoping for a massage but he isn't well so I've had a bath and done my bowel care. I think I may be bunged up as not much is coming out. Hopefully this will be solved with a few carveries ;-)

2011-12-27T22:57:00.004Z

I just re-read my old posts and I really don't know what I was doing for those 3 months. I want to kick myself!

Today I went to my photographer's for an 'energy rebalance'. I did my Reiki attonements with him and honest to God as he went over my midriff (not even touching me) my legs started sparking off inside. Felt like pins and needles so intense! He said my emotional centre was blocked and my crown chakra. Well I know I've put my walls up and stopped letting anyone in and I've definitely been emotionally unbalanced and whether you believe in these methods or not I feel calmer again. I have been pretty stable for nearly a week now and I'm really pleased. It was a bit difficult getting on the massage table but he helped me on and arranged my legs.

On my return I cooked dinner for me and Chris (he turned up drunk at 5am and crashed in the spare room) then another friend came over later and bought me a carvery. We had a good chat and I gave him my many words of wisdom.

Back home I called a guy who I went on a date with before my accident. I actually met him before Christmas at his home. He DJ's for a Drum & Bass radio station and seems really happy and doing really well for himself. He's such a nice guy. I'm not blowing myself up about the whole thing like I have been lately which is nice. Maybe I feel safe at last?? I'm surrounding myself with calming, positive energy and it's helping a lot.

I was anxious in case I run into Polish guy at an event but not anymore. I'm over it. It was a ridiculous drama and whilst it was passionate and exciting it was very dangerous and ruined my frequency, man! Ha ha x Let this be a very serious lesson to me, if I think they're nuts stay away!!!

2011-12-25T23:42:00.004Z

On Friday I forced myself out of bed at 8am to shower and get ready for voluntary work, I took a Kalms tablet which is a herbal Valium really. I felt a bit zombied all day but it was peaceful at least. Once I had transferred out of my car I was wheeling to work when I hit a slight lip in the pavement and fell out of my chair. Not one person helped me. I really struggled to get back in my chair as well. I finally got to work and did what I usually do before driving home. I drove past the council offices as I have a letter to give them but they had closed half day. Back home I was chilling when a lad I went on a date with years ago asked me over. I thought 'why not'. Nothing bad happened, I had my anxiety as usual and yeah it'd be nice if he wants to see me again but I refuse to blow myself up about it. The lad who confessed to wanking over my pics text today as well saying 'maybe' he'll see me later. I told him I'm washing my eyebrows.

Yesterday I went to my sister's and met my 3 month old nephew. I don't even like kids but he was brilliant. I love him. My sister's fella carried me to the flat and I took my overnight catheters and bags. It was a very relaxed chilled evening and I even slept half the day as it was such a calm, safe, environment. I left at about 9pm and am now settled on the sofa with some juice uploading pics of my nephew's first Christmas :-)

2011-12-22T16:41:00.003Z

Well that sort of date turned out to be a dick, he came over with the pretence of being a nice guy and talked then cuddled me watching films but then his own internal fight took over. He confessed to wanking over my pictures, flashed his dick, got upset when I was really shocked by this then ran away haha! I did mind fuck myself over this but it's not a drama as much as I want it to be ha ha! Oh, he'd also just split with an ex so is currently trying to 'make her jealous'. Bit sad really. Never mind.

On Monday night I had 2 requests to see me so that gave me a panic attack as I arranged a hotel in Birmingham and had to really concentrate as the second was London. However, the London booking was asking the same questions that I've covered and he knows the answer so I had a terrible feeling about him. I told him I was busy and would see him Wednesday and he actually got abusive. He was a right weirdo. I am glad his true colours shone out before I made what could've been a fatal error....

So on Monday Chris came over to watch a film that my sort of date asked me to download for us to watch. I'm not waiting! He had to endure my anxiety for a while and helped me rush about packing what I needed and took my stuff to the car ready for the next day. It was late when I finally got around to watching the film and I went to bed leaving him in the living room. I said he was welcome to stay but I woke to hear the front door being locked and my apartment in darkness. I got up, realised I urgently needed to have a poo and went back to bed. Earlier that day I went to the wheelchair depot and insisted they fix various faults with my chair and refused to leave til they were done.

On Tuesday I was up by 10 and had a lovely shower. On exiting the bath I brushed my teeth leaning forward using the sink as support. I had a wee then made my way to bed where I slathered myself in lotion and pulled on a black silk bra with black panties then wriggled into brown leggings with a brown vest and brown polo neck. I pulled my each leg straight up to get my brown knee high boots on and packed the things I use in the mornings then took it all to the car. I made sure if anything I had enough catheters and made my way to Birmingham.

I was greeted on arrival and persuaded him to join me in the car. Being the gracious gentleman he is he carried all my stuff to my room and we had a wonderful time. There were a lot of images taken and a lot of cuddling and fun. I really enjoyed myself. He even brought my favourite drink - pineapple juice. What a thoughtful guy :-)

Afterward we helped me get dressed and we went to the German market, had a pancake, bought myself some food for the night and morning and he helped me take it all back to the room. I really appreciated him spending his free time with me. After he had left I had other business to attend to ;-) it wasn't as rewarding on a personal level but hey, I'd rather meet one good person than none at all.

On Wednesday I carefully packed everything, did some more business and got assisted to the car before driving home where Chris was waiting. I felt a bit rude not having pants on so I pulled some on along with some tights and once I had calmed down we went to Harvesters.

I am calming down slowly, I actually quite enjoy it ha ha! I had a fabulous time in Birmingham anyway. Today I had a shower and went for a sunbed. I've exhausted myself being manic. I aim to go for a carvery with a friend this evening. I have my usual indigo skinny jeans, vest and long sleeved cobweb top on and my cream fur lined Pineapple boots.

2011-12-17T17:54:00.003Z

I don't think my activities are putting a strain on my heart. The anxiety makes my chest tight so I'm often short of breath. It's up and down, some days are manic, some not. I'll find a way around it. I've realised I've been like this a long time just not as high and low!

On Thursday my sister and I went to see a live screening of the ballet Sleeping Beauty which was flawless! We got told off for talking and laughing though, it was only a cinema, hardly the Royal Opera House. The crowd really thought they were it with their £10 tickets watching a ballet. One man told me off for taking images saying it was illegal. Mind your own business!

I'm currently starting a crush cycle, a guy I've liked for a long time came over. I was very nervous and babbled, made a tit of myself, the usual. He actually came back too but text saying he's not looking for a relationship. I didn't ask for one but I feel a bit unwanted now. That's my usual cycle. I advise myself to avoid men as I always do this to myself then I forget my own advice. I'm upping my self counselling.

Oh, I took my chair to get checked as the wheels were rubbing the side guards and making me so irate as it was hard to push in the end. It's now rectified :-) I had a sunbed, got my nails done and had a bacon and mushroom roll. This was yesterday. I felt ill in the morning, I cancelled work as I was dizzy. I realise it's anxiety and I have been having words with myself like a lunatic ha ha xx

I looked lush yesterday for my sort of date? I wore sheer cream tights, cream thigh socks, my cream tartan style skirt and an off-white jumper with my cream flat warm boots. When he returned later I was in cow print pyjamas haha xx He left at 6am, I did try it on but I get so scared of rejection he didn't really click on, or he's not really interested. I don't know. I'm having a hard enough time in my own head. I so have abandonment issues ha ha xx

Right who'd like to rub my neck and shoulders? :-)

2011-12-12T21:43:00.003Z

On Friday I felt well enough for voluntary work. I got up, washed, had a wee and dressed as usual and transferred into the car dismantling and heaving the car in after me. Outside I called for assistance with the door and made my way to the reception desk where I packed condoms and answered any phone calls. When my 3 hours was up I went for a carvery and went home.

On Saturday my sister had a job 120 miles away but she said she would pay my fuel and I had nothing else to do plus I enjoy her company so off we went and I waited in the car while she did her show. On her return I needed a wee so I pulled my jeans and panties down and sat on the sill of my car and did a catheter there before going home.

Sunday I just chilled in the house. I ran out of cereal so made a mental note to get more. I went to bed early as I had a photo shoot planned for Monday.

Today I got up at 8.20am and did my morning routine as well as packing some clothes for my photo shoot. I took my ex, Chris, and he filmed the shoot which involved sweets, tinsel and a PVC Santa dress. The camera is in the car but I will sort the footage out when I have chance. I am short of breath again this week and slightly anxious but I'm coping. I'm on the sofa now and Chris has flaked out on the opposite sofa bless him. He helped take my rubbish out and I tidied my flat a little which has lifted my spirits. We had dinner in Harvesters which was sub standard as usual but hey, a girl's gotta eat!

2011-12-08T19:31:00.003Z

Well aren't men like buses? They all turn up at one and some are such a mess I would never get on them ;-) think a lot of guys have recently become single and ooh muggins here is always free. Was promised a date tonight, he even called at 11pm... heard nothing today. Good one guys!

On Monday and Tuesday I went for my usual sunbed and look around town. I popped in on my friend who is also in a wheelchair and we had a good chat about everything til I came home and cooked chicken and veg. Wednesday I did spag bol. I had to improvise on the sauce as I had no Ragu so I just chucked in tomato puree and some pasta bake sauce. It did the trick and I ate the left overs today.

I was sat online and I heard a tapping, assumed someone was trying to activate their lighter outside. Went to look and water was coming through my light fitting in the bathroom. Called the flat upstairs who sorted it but now all my lights have tripped and still won't come on and his floor is soaked! I've been navigating in the dark! And I ran out of night time catheters so I have to stop being lazy and get out of bed for a wee. Boo!

Today, in readiness for my imaginary date I pulled on a pair of nude tights and grey thigh socks with my cream tartan style skirt and pink vest. I put my grey cobweb top on top to keep warm and just lounged in bed keeping warm. I figured out how the heating works so I've set it to warm up at 10am ready for when I rouse at about 11. I will set it earlier tonight as I have work tomorrow and plan to be up at half 8. I may leave my blinds open a touch so the natural light wakes me too.

My outfit for NYE has come, I don't plan to go out til after the countdown but it's a leopard print corset and tutu with ears, tail and collar. The tail will probably get in the way so I'll cut it off or fold it into my lap. I made some adjustments to the corset as I am very narrow waisted and it was making me look unshapely. I have bought socks to match and I have leopard shoes.

My ex has been telling fantastic lies about me, so far I'm a top 20 porn star (I wish), left him with only his clothes and spent his cash (would I need to if I was top 20 porn, really?) and did porn behind his back. Oh he's such a victim. I can't believe I ruined his previously perfect existence.....

My older cat, Molly, has been like a rash lately, all over me. I haven't had much anxiety though so it is subsiding, hurrah!

2011-12-03T22:31:00.004Z

I had a very full day Tuesday as I felt well and had a lot to catch up on. I was up by 10am and had a dental appointment at midday for a little adjustment of a filling. After that I went straight to the sunbed then to the car dealership for a quick vehicle check, then to the nail bar and then the clinic to see about my coil. I was so hungry, I went to Asda and picked up some bits and bobs and drove home where I did a huge lasagna which no one turned up for. I packed my overnight case for London with sexy underwear and short skirts, sorted all my bathroom needs out, straightened my hair and went to bed.

9am Wednesday I got up and made sure I had everything and got it all to the car slowly. I even took my cereal and milk. I popped in on my folks on the way and had a nice roll then made my journey to Cricklewood.

The hotel looked a bit grotty. The wheelchair accessible room was up 2 sets of 2 steps then a further step and there were a few little flies in my room which bite! I got carried quite a bit. I had a friend over at about 7 and straight after I had a shower in the accessible bathroom and cleared my bowels out using the shower hose haha! I dried, moisturised and got dressed in nude fishnets with nude silk underwear and my favourite pink designer dress and forced my swollen feet into cream stiletto pumps.I had a lift to the car and drove to the Hilton where my another friend assisted me, fed me and spoiled me rotten! When I left I had several missed calls but none came to fruition as it was late. I turned the phone off at half 11 and went to bed.

At 10am the next day my alarm sounded so I had a shower and stuff before getting into a pink tartan skirt with grey thigh socks and pink vest. I got my warm boots on, got a lift to the car and went to Tesco for sustenance and some bathroom products. I had a friend over at about 8pm and he thinks I squirted. I think it was piss but shhh ;-) I had no other calls and a group of people arrived who were terribly noisy. They woke me up at 7am the next day!

I had a shower Friday with my new products and did my make up and usual routine. I waited til 11am and no calls so I got assisted to my car and drove home.

Back home I sorted myself out and picked my sister up. We had a drive then her boyfriend carried me into her flat and we chilled for hours before I went home to see my cats.

I was very anxious yesterday but today I feel normal again, albeit tired.

2011-11-28T23:57:00.003Z

I set my alarm for 10am last night and was awake before it so did my usual stretches and checked Facebook on my mobile. When 10 came I threw the covers off, shivered out of my fleece and thigh high fluffy socks and wheeled to the bathroom where I washed my face, brushed my teeth, transferred onto my toilet chair and had a wash and a wee. I laid a towel on my chair and came back to the bedroom where I heaved myself over onto the bed and dressed in my indigo jeans with a thermal jumper with a cobweb net jumper over the top. I eased my feet into my grey Pineapple boots and wheeled to the hallway where I combed my hair, tied it back and went for some cereal.

Once I had done my thing I pulled my gloves on and wheeled to the car, transferred in and dismantled my chair then drove to a supermarket for fuel whilst calling various people for various appointments and cancellations. I went for a sunbed and spent money I haven't got on clothes, had a Subway then drove to a hospital for what I thought was a wheelchair fitting. Turns out it was for a splint to stop my toes curling. I chased the wheelchair thing - I'll be waiting til the end of the year at the earliest! On the way back I visited my photographer for a chat and then back home I sorted my laundry out and waited for my home delivery from the supermarket. I had him put my goods away too as it was difficult for me on my own.

I think I'll look up massages as my upper back is very tight. My back is loosening slowly and I've been managing my erratic anxiety really well. I will feed the cats now before I go to bed and I also want to dye my roots tomorrow. Busy busy, the way I like it! Remind me to buy cheese tomorrow guys for my lasagna!

2011-11-27T17:49:00.002Z

I wasn't getting better with the antibiotics so called out of hours and they called an ambulance! All my quick tests came back normal though except for my heart beat and it transpires I'm suffering with anxiety! I guess my body's paying me back for the months of letting it all go over my head. I had a hospital car there and back and the driver was religious and decided to advise me that Jesus could heal my back. Yeah that's why hospitals exist....

On my return my ex, Chris, came over with cat food, Twixes and pineapple juice and I donated him some clothes I'd bought Polish cunt for Christmas.

I forced myself out of bed today despite my legs tingling like mad (on the inside) and my back being very tender. I guess being in bed nearly a week pays it's toll. I had a shower and did my Peristeen then carefully dried between my toes before slathering on some tanning body lotion (I haven't been on the sunbed all week and feel very pale). I pulled on my usual seamless hotpant style knickers on and a pair of indigo skinny jeans and put a dusky pink vest on. I have a cow patterned fleece on top as I am a bit nippy. I had some cereal, washed the rest of my dishes that had been festering all week and put some towels in the wash and managed to give the bathroom floor a quick wipe down. Tomorrow I am being measured for my new chair (again) and I have a home delivery from the supermarket for my weekly shop. I feel very positive about the coming week now my cough has subsided. I know anxiety and depression is worsened by holing oneself up so I'm going to try and do as much as I can. I'm a strong confident woman! I also want to build my strength back up as I feel a little wobbly.

2011-11-25T16:39:00.002Z

Hey guys, as per my Group I've been laid up with a chest infection. I slept most of Tuesday through to this afternoon and I've lost core strength - I feel like a T6! Due to his weird ways and refusal to leave my property I went out over the weekend as I didn't feel safe. This is what I think brought on the infection as I've had a niggling cough for weeks. On Monday, as I was on lying a friend's sofa, his boss called so I explained my exasperation and willingness to involve the police and by the time I got home all trace of him was gone. There was a letter and I've had 4 texts and 2 prank calls since which I've ignored. I called the police and explained and they claimed they'd call him but he's text again since. I am worried in case he starts turning up and I am not sure if he is a danger, people like him can just turn. His sister messaged from Poland so I told her everything, every story, accusation... and she said 'always this same, never change' and encouraged me to see the police. He hasn't been threatening but it's still mental abuse and the relief when I saw all his stuff gone - I actually cried with joy.

I soon realised I wasn't well myself, but not mentally ha ha, and called my local surgery to get seen to. She swiftly prescribed me antibiotics and I hope that's all it is. I've got a 7 day course but I've been taking extra. My back hurts and my little finger keeps going numb. I don't feel like seeing or speaking to anyone as I'm so run down. I haven't even been opening or closing the blinds around my home. Hopefully I will feel miles better again tomorrow, and be fine Monday.

2011-11-19T14:53:00.003Z

I cooked lasagna and told him I don't fancy him anymore. The constant accusations, lies and childish comments have worn me down so much I don't even feel angry, just tired. He didn't take it well. Accused me of having someone else, the usual. It was pathetic, just like him. He kept approaching me telling me to leave him alone although I was just sitting about minding my own business. I'm thinking it's not just psychosis from his amphetamine abuse but real schizophrenia. We're all a bit nuts don't get me wrong but he takes a new meaning of the word.

I thought maybe we could co exist as friends but he couldn't stop with his delusions, telling me I planned it all and I played a good game. He still can't grasp in his little head that it's simply due to his lies and paranoia. He told me not to tell anyone about him yet freely told his boss and mother... mind you he also said he lost all his numbers but then he's calling his mother?? I found a memory card with numbers on, one titled 'kochanie' which means darling in Polish and it wasn't my number.... twice I've heard him romantic talking on the phone in Polish as well. My aunt said he was on about marriage for citizenship and now I think maybe it's true, then he'd divorce me and bring his Polish lover over? Not sure on the law so I could be off track.

On Thursday I did a shoot for UK Flashers, to him this was of course the reason I split with him - good planning cos I want to do porn. After this a good friend of mine took me to watch Twilight. This brought me further grief as Polish cunt decided I was leaving him because he does not have a BMW like my friend, and I was obviously bringing my friend home for sexy time. It really exasperated me so I told him he needs to be out in 7 days. This was hard work as he decided I was obviously 'moving someone else to home'. I've spoken with his boss who said he'll have him out by Wednesday but the pathetic snide comments are getting so tiring I wish I could walk just so I could punch the fucker.

I've also had some flu and couldn't work yesterday, it's subsiding again now but I should be in a peaceful environment to recover. Last time we split the stress was so much I had a period. I can't see about my coil til the 21st. When he is gone I am getting another friend to change my locks. Of course I'm secretly having sex with this friend too. All this is making me wonder if I'll be safe, my one ex did stalk me and he wasn't half as bonkers as this one. Ah to be lost in your own paranoid world. I would feel sorry for him but he's pathetic. Even claimed his boss said 'women like me don't have feelings'. I'm not bothered if he said that or not and it's sad that he thinks words will hurt me. One minute he's begging me back, the next abusing me verbally. Way to go.

I was hoping to have a carvery with a friend later but he's working late. I don't like feeling anxious in my own home. This may call for a phone number change as well...

2011-11-15T14:52:00.002Z

On Friday we went to an American chain Ruby Tuesdays for dinner which we found overpriced and average, as well as slow considering they were grossly overstaffed! After our meal we went to a local Tesco for snacks as we were (shockingly) still hungry then I found a disabled parking spot next to a theatre. I had bought tickets to see something named Cirque Eloize, it's a dance troupe with street/urban/contemporary styles and the show was called ID. He carried me to my seat and left my chair somewhere safe. The show was fantastic and I'd definitely recommend it. After we went home.

On Saturday my laptop was fixed so we drove to Cardiff to get it then for a carvery. It was much more satisfying than the meal on Friday at a 10th of the price! We then drove to the cinema to see Immortals where he again carried me to a seat. The film was cheesy but watchable but I wouldn't watch it again.

I don't recall Sunday but yesterday I went for a carvery with a friend, she drove, and we randomly went to see a friend who I know has been avoiding me. I attempted to call her and we beeped outside but no one came and 10 minutes later I had a text saying 'good thing she can't walk to knock the door'. I replied saying I guess that text wasn't for me and she made some bullshit excuse up claiming I'd written inappropriate things on her Facebook. Things she's laughed at before but hey, if she wants to alienate herself that's not my problem and it definitely opened my eyes. Back home I needed to go to the Family Planning to get my coil sorted out but it was shut! People were queuing and there was a sign saying last clinic 10th November. One lady even had a letter saying to come last night! I went back home, defeated.

Today I got up at about 11 and had a shower as well as my Peristeen. On the bed though I soon found out I hadn't cleared out enough and I made a very wet, smelly mess. I stripped the bed and got in the bath. I had to clean my chair, the floor, my bed, the carpet. It was really hard work. I then had cereal and went for a sunbed to cheer myself up. I'm short of breath today and coughing a lot but I don't feel unwell, I think it's just phlegm and it's been on and off for a few days, more off than on lately so I know it's clearing up. It gets worse if I have the window open in the night. I will cook lasagna later, I can't wait xx

2011-11-12T18:55:00.001Z

I have just had my laptop back from repair and am reinstalling everything and expect to be fully operational by Monday. Thanks for your patience.

2011-11-08T15:32:00.001Z

...then went firework hunting. There were cars and people everywhere so we went for a carvery first to replenish our souls. I used the disabled facilities there. I decided to wear a grey boob tube jumper dress with my grey fur lined flat boots and grey thigh high socks. I stitched the dress slightly as it kept trying to slide off my ample chest!

Yesterday I attempted to use my laptop only to get the blue screen of death! I immediately bundled it up and got in the car and took it to a local pc repair store. I then went for a burger and on to a local supermarket to use the toilets which are portacabins. I wheeled up the ramp and locked myself in,did my business then couldn't get out! I pulled the emergency cord and 2 workers opened the door from outside. I went into the store for some cereal then drove to Cardiff to pick him up and we went to a nearby 2 for 1 place where I adore the steaks and I chased my laptop repair. It's looking like a hardware fault. Luckily I got all my work off it on Thursday when I realised it was starting to work intermittently. I'll lose everything else though. My special Windows 7 compatible version of Movie Maker 2.0, my AVG tune up,my K Lite Codec pack etc. What a pain. I'm awaiting a call from them to find out. I don't have fuel money to go there myself to ask. Also AlertPay is playing up so if anyone wants a clip I'll have to send you a PayPal bill so email me if this is the case.

Today was the last day of a course I've been attending which is a bit like a self help group. I missed week 4 and 5 as I've had chronic back ache. Oh and I'm going to the doctors Thursday evening about my coil. I'm not up for periods thanks!

2011-11-08T15:13:00.000Z

I'm currently updating from my mobile as my laptop was 'accidentally' dropped on Wednesday. Yeah tell me about it. Nonetheless the perpetrator is paying for any necessary repairs.

On Thursday I had the pleasure of a dentist appointment where I had a filling. I hate the numb mouth but my dentist is always impressed by my transfers. In my new warm boots it's easier too as my feet don't slide at all.

On Friday I went to voluntary work and I'm sure I came across a dev. I had just parked and was lugging my chair about when a man offered to help but really wanted to make small talk. He was no harm, not invasive, but my little dev-dar went off. I found it sweet. I wheeled over the road and wheelied onto the kerb then round the corner where I commandeered a passer by to open the door to the offices I volunteer in. The day was as usual with condom packing but I enjoy the helping. After work I drove to a friend's in Swansea who was cooking me a pork dinner! She actually carried me to and from the car too. It was lush. After this I drove to Cardiff to pick Weirdo up and we had a sunbed and bought tickets for an event that night. Back home we got a bit frisky and he started Fucking me in my chair then god knows how but he picked me up so I was facing him and my legs were up so I was in half really and he fucked me like that. I wish I got it on film. He's on about filming us but I don't think he realises I'll try to sell it ha ha x see what happens eh. If I do sell it it'll be super sneaky seeing as he's been looking all over the net for me and found Sexy Devils and my YouTube. But what's the worst that could happen? He complains ooh big wow.

We went to the event where I was carried in like the princess I am and plenty of men approached me. We eventually got seated in the dj area which is obviously less crowded and comfortable with some sofas. It's hardly vip though. I was glad to get from the crowds. We didn't get back til 7am and I was exhausted and my back hurt. We slept well into Saturday afternoon...

2011-11-02T16:00:00.002Z

Well it went tits up, but let's start somewhere good - like the weekend. We had tickets for an event and I went in the sluttiest Supergirl costume I could find. He mentioned a certain drug and I thought 'what's the harm'. Hmm. Well what WASN'T the harm. Basically he followed me like a fly round shit all night insistent I was attempting to meet other men or women, or even lamp posts, and when I felt ill and wanted to leave he insisted I was lying and had arranged to meet another man, woman or sofa behind his back. OK. So back home it got more ridiculous until I feigned sleep and he took me to bed. Within SECONDS I could hear him talking quietly in clear, coherent Polish. I sat up and could see him in the mirror in my living room with his pants off having a romantic chat, all sexy and having a wank! He moved so I transferred onto the floor and dragged myself to the living room. I could see his legs going, his toes curling, the lot. It was sick. He saw me and instantly pretended to be asleep. I know when he's asleep and sleep talking. This was neither. The next day I went for a carvery with a friend and felt sick to the core. He's been accusing me of everything since day 1 and now, well, it's clear why. Is he insecure or does he have a guilty conscience? Whilst I was in the carvery he Googled fuck out of me and decided to use my previews Yoga and Festival Filth Car Clean against me. They aren't even dirty! I had a titful. He started saying hurtful things and the like so I had him call his boss to collect him. I've deactivated my Facebook as I can't be fucked with his pathetic paranoid delusions. He's attempted (poorly) to get me back then told me he doesn't know why he loves me as I'm a broken slut and no one wants me, only for sex. Good one mate! He claimed he didn't mean those words but if he can say things out of spite then he can say anything really. I don't believe a single word he says. I'm even dubious about his name now! I wish we could work things out but he's never going to change, when he calls he's immediately asking if there is another man with me or am I going out etc and it's exhausting.

I still have a bad back and I started a proper period yesterday which is unusual as I haven't had one in years as I have the hormone coil. It could be all the stress of that fella.

2011-10-25T11:48:00.003+01:00

I was in bed this morning and as I was getting clammy 'down there' I lay on my back in the frog position, you know - legs bent open like on that Dawn video where she gets fucked but looks dead? So I was there and I heard a wet gurgle and I knew it. I think you know too. Luckily my fella was here and he carried me to the bathroom where I hosed my ass out for about half an hour and it was still coming! When I felt no more could possibly come I got up, had a wash and did a digit check only for more to come out! I did consider putting an incontinence pad in and going to my course as I do every Tuesday but I couldn't bear the shame if I pooped myself there so I've put a towel on the sofa and put a dressing gown and warm socks on.

Last night I made a fantastic lasagna and I'm wondering was that the cause? It's nothing I don't usually eat but I guess it only takes one bacteria or maybe it was too rich with it's white sauce and cheese topping? It's a beautiful day too. I've had cereal and I'm tired as this happened at about 7am? I can hear my insides making noises... I also feel very warm! That could be my dressing gown though.

Oh and a virus popped up on my laptop, it told me where it was from and it was a link including my ex best friend who I used to do porn with. That wasn't me, so it was obviously him! I called him and he vehemently denied it so I checked the history and he's been looking for me and then her. Apparently (his words) I keep secrets and everyone has seen except him. Whatever. I don't know any man who would want to see his girlfriend fucking other men, oh well his problem not mine! Not sure how long I can cope with his major insecurity issues though as they keep resurfacing. Plus he's going to be looking on his phone too...

2011-10-21T16:57:00.002+01:00

Today I woke with back twinges, as usual, and figured there was no way I could sit in my wheelchair comfortably for 3 hours in voluntary work so I called in and explained then had a stretch before getting up to have a wash and have breakfast. I pulled on a pair of grey leggings with a deep red vest and deep red sheer jumper then put my new knitted boots on to make sure my feet stayed warm. If you want to see the style Google 'Pineapple Lush Boots'. They aren't my usual style but they are actually quite cute and very warm. I put some red gloves on and wheeled to the car where I transferred in, bringing the wheelchair in over my body and into the passenger seat after taking the wheels off and placing them somewhere on the back seat. I drove to a nearby hospital and, as usual, lazy people had taken the disabled bays. I parked by Outpatients and wheeled to the doors only to find only one door opened and it was nowhere near big enough to get my chair through. Feeling a bit low I wheeled up a slight incline only to see a steeper incline to get to A & E. I did attempt it. I leaned forwards and gave it a go but no way could I navigate it. At this point I felt super low and wanted to cry. I was also so pissed off that people had taken the disabled bays. Luckily a woman was pulling out and saw me and pushed me up the hill and I wheeled to the lowered kerb only to see a Hyundai with a personal plate parked in front of it. Thank you mate, what a fucking star you are! I had to wheelie off the kerb, slowly, and into A & E where I caught my breath and explained my back ache and shortness of breath combined with lower abdomen cramps/pains (I'm not sure, I can't feel it properly). I claimed my car crash was 2 days ago and I was seen within half an hour and x rayed and out within an hour or so! The x rays were fine, no breaks or twists so any pain could be from anything but at least I'm not broken! To exit, I wheeled towards Outpatients and commandeered a nurse to open the doors for me.

On the way home I stopped in the supermarket, yet again the disabled bays were full. Surely there can't be that many disabled people in the town. Really?? I placed a basket on my lap and put my handbag in it and chose some apples, wholemeal flour, icing sugar and frozen veg then paid and took the basket with me to the car (and took it home ha ha). Back home I washed my hands and did a catheter then made cake batter and mixed in finely diced apple. I put the mixture into cupcake paper things and baked them whilst I made butter icing - green and yellow/orange for Halloween. When they were cooked I put them to cool and called my nan to tell her all about it. She said they sounded delicious so I iced 3 cakes and drove to my grandparents home. I loved the cake as did my nan, my grandad was not too fussed as he is not well at the moment. I transferred into his reclining chair (he was on the sofa) and kicked back for a bit before driving home to ice the rest of the cakes.

It is so easy to transfer in my new boots as they have rubber soles, I haven't slipped once and they are so soft I can straighten my toes through the suede like material. Very impressed!

2011-10-19T22:21:00.003+01:00

I did a photo shoot today with my favourite photographer as he wanted some specific images. I curled my hair and did my make up suitably then my fella and I made our way to his home. I also had a letter about my benefits as they are getting rid of DLA. I may seem active but I honestly could not work in the condition I am in, my back is in half (excuse the pun) when I sit for more than 15 minutes and I get weird nerve sensations where I can't feel it. I actually bought some Ibuprofen today for help with the pain. My neck and shoulders are so tight and tender it's affecting me. If it persists I will have to see a doctor. I hope I do not end up worse off as already my rent is not covered. Try finding a suitable abode for £300 a month or less and I'll view it!

Anyway, after my shoot we went to the cinema where I was carried to a seat like the princess I am. At the end I went to the disabled toilet to find it occupied. I waited quite some time until an overweight young woman came out and we gave her filthy looks. It was more disappointing when I realised if she hadn't have been in there I probably would not have wet myself. My fella took my boots off so I could lift for him to get my wet leggings and panties off me. Luckily I was wearing a jumper dress so I eased my floppy feet back into my fur lined boots and checked my toes were straight then pulled my jumper right down to cover me. In the car I usually drive legs open but to avoid flashing (or more so avoid him sulking about my flashing) I put both legs on one side but after a while this weird angle wreaked havoc with my back and I had to drive lifeless legs splayed and he held his hand on my jumper to stop me flashing while I pretended to actually give a fuck ha ha.

Back home I changed into fresh leggings and panties and we went to a restaurant in Cardiff. He assisted me up the step. There's nothing good I can say about the restaurant other than it was buy one, get one free. We were there 1 hour 15 minutes for a mere 2 courses, had to ask for a menu, ask to be served and no one even asked if we wanted desserts after our main courses were finished and the plates taken. We asked for the bill, filled in the feedback card and left.

Back in my home town he accompanied me to the local supermarket so I could stock up on my favourite cereal (Crunchy Nut Bites) and I tried on a recent purchase of grey knitted boots by Pineapple, called Lush. I can get in the perfectly and despite my hatred of Uggs (these are similar) I actually think they'll look very very cute with my skinny jeans.

2011-10-13T17:16:00.002+01:00

Yesterday I baked some cakes. I admit I cheated and used cake mix but still no one died and the cakes were edible. I made the butter-icing green seeing as I love Halloween so much and I'd like to make some cupcakes in the orange and green theme. I forgot how much fun baking is, plus it makes me feel homely and normal for a change ha ha! I also had a pair of fut lined ballet pumps arrive for winter as I don't really wear socks. I put them on with my clear shoe straps and transferred into the car to pick him up from work. Back home I cooked dinner for us and showed him my cakes (I'm just so proud of them!).

He doesn't know about my site so while he was in work I set up 2 cameras and filmed myself doing my Yoga stretch routine. Upon completion I checked the main camera only to realise it had powered down due to lack of battery life so I had to do it all again! The one camera was fine so I put it on my AdultWork site to see if it will sell. I finished piecing the second take together today and put it on my site ready for action. It was difficult as the mat is grippy and I got stuck to it, or it to me, but on all fours it stopped my legs sliding apart.

Today I got woke at about 10am and dangled my legs off the bed for the good old hip flexor stretch. When I had checked Facebook like the daily paper I got up and went to the bathroom where I did my Peristeen and a catheter. I dressed in my usual wardrobe staple of indigo skinny jeans and a vest then put a sheer long sleeved top on top of this as it is a bit nippy out. With my new fur lined pumps on I went to the car and drove to my sunbed shop then wheeled around town where I had a SubWay, bought some divine high heels, a new sheer long sleeved top (they don't come in stock very often so as soon as I see a new colour I'm on it) and some tights. I picked up some extra warm socks for him as he's not used to the cold that is my apartment and drove to a local supermarket to do a catheter. Back home I transferred out and placed most of the shopping on my lap but left the shoes and top in the car. Inside, I took my gloves off and washed the cat food bowl and put fresh food in. I am now back on the sofa with my legs stretched in front of me.

2011-10-11T17:47:00.002+01:00

Yesterday I took my grandmother to visit someone in hospital. First she needed to go to the shop so I waited in the car with my music and then we drove to the hospital where about half an hour was spent waiting for a space. When parked she got a man to assist with my chair as it had been placed in the boot and we wheeled into the hospital and up to the wards. I used the bathroom there as they are spacious and well equipped. I am always a little worried I will accidentally pull the red cord which is next to the handles on the wall though! A quick wriggle in and out of my panties and jeans and my catheter was done and I was back in my chair. At about half 4 we left so I could collect my fella from work and he helped my grandmother when we got to her home.

Back at mine I did some food and we went to the supermarket for supplies, I love Halloween and am too easily enticed by the cakes and wares on offer. I already have a super sexy Supergirl outfit for Halloween (it's irony - Christopher Reeves who was the original Superman ended up in a wheelchair but how many people will get the reference I don't know). He did all the unpacking and putting away of my purchases and shortly after I went to bed and had a good stretch before falling asleep.

I had the second week of the course I'm doing with other disabled people today, except I use the term disabled loosely and at least one member is just a complete misery guts. Nonetheless I feel like the course is beneficial in a self help kind of way. After the course I wheeled to the car, transferred in and got the wheelchair in and drove to pick my fella up. Off for a sunbed I went while he had a hair cut and then I decided we should investigate the new mountain snack bar in the area. It was very tasty. I started to feel quite hot and had a mild headache after a while though which usually means I urgently need the toilet so as soon as we got back to mine he put the chair together, picked me up and placed me gently in my seat and opened the doors for me so I could rush to the toilet. I did my Peristeen and a catheter too then had a shower and washed my hair which I usually do in the morning - Peristeen is a night time thing and a shower daytime so it's confused my brain a little. Dry and dressed I transferred onto the sofa. I will cook lamb and veg for dinner later.

2011-10-08T21:23:00.002+01:00

When I was doing Yoga the woman running it for me mentioned a 6 week course for disabled people and something about becoming a tutor, I said yes and had the dates and address arrive and made my way there on Tuesday. I was the youngest person there by 15 years and the only one with an obvious disability and it appeared to be more like a support group/self help kind of thing but I'm up for that and I enjoyed it and will go for the remaining 5 weeks. I had a pretty mundane week just like most weeks - run of the mill, oh I killed another phone - dropped it down the toilet whilst doing my Peristeen of all things! Friday I had volunteer work and met a friend in her home town for some retail therapy, I had my nails done first with lovely blue glitter tips.

I have an event over Halloween so I ordered a super sexy Supergirl costume which arrived today and I tried it on and if fits, well it's hardly any fabric so it should fit ha!

Today I had a shower and did my Peristeen before dressing in a snug black and grey jumper dress and black leggings with cream suede below ankle boots and an elastic belt which I had to shorten as small is not small enough for my 23-25 inch waist. I did my hair and make up and my fella and I went to his home so he could get some things to keep at mine. I still ache all over from my crash and my legs feel like they're constantly tingling with numbness which is unusual and if the pain persists I will consult a doctor.

2011-10-02T20:18:00.002+01:00

So I wrote my courtesy car off. It happened Thursday night, I was leaving my fella's when my legs or feet got jammed in either the pedals or push pull controls and all I know is I couldn't brake and the car just got faster. With it being a 7 speed TDI Golf this was disastrous and I lost control of the vehicle. I am OK though, only mild whiplash and Friday morning was spent arranging insurance things then I had a lift home and drove straight to A&E where I explained my paraplegia and waited for a doctor. Apparently being unable to feel you legs and not knowing if they're broken (the same with my back) isn't that urgent and I was told I had a 6 hour wait. I left and went for a sunbed and to some shops and later that day chose my outfit for the event I like to attend every month, pictures on my Yahoo Group, had a shower and did my Peristeen then dried myself on the bed and moisturised. I cooked dinner - gammon for him and steak for me and started on my hair and make up. Once we were ready we drove to Cardiff so he could get his dancing shoes then drove to the club where I parked outside.

In the club there are NO disabled facilities so I was carried downstairs and had to be assisted to the bathroom. I had a fantastic night though and at about 4am my back was hurting too much and we went home but stayed awake. When the heat of the sun hit the car park we sat outside to take advantage of the sun's rays. I went to bed at about 7pm and slept til 9/10am. Seeing the sun was out I raced to the shower and got dressed in a dark denim pleated skirt and cream vest and had cereal. I drove us to a town named Brecon where it was bloody cloudy! I transferred onto the grass and got my cushion beneath me until my back hurt too much and we drove home. It was sunny back home, sod's law eh?

2011-09-29T13:28:00.003+01:00

My new courtesy car came, it's stunning inside. All the mod cons, holds 6 CD's, has parking sensors, everything. I LOVE it.

On Tuesday my bloke had to see someone in Newport so I got some unwanted clothes in a bag to give to my sister and we made our way to the courtesy car. He likes to lift me in and I don't put up a fight - I love being carried! In Newport he ran over to my sister's to give her the clothes and we drove to his destination. Once he had done whatever he had to do we went to Wetherspoons then into town where I bought some lovely jumper dresses, suede ankle boots and we tried on costumes in the fancy dress shop. That wasn't so easy in a room barely bigger than my wheelchair! Once home he put my new purchases in the apartment and I don't recall the rest of the day.

Yesterday is also hazy, I'm not going to force myself to remember as it makes me very stressed but I know we went to Cardiff so he could collect his tools for work today and he also packed a load of his stuff as he's decided to move in ha ha I don't mind, he's good to me and I warned him I have a life and sometimes I will want to go places without him. Whether he took this well or not is his issue. I'm not a pet and neither is he. On the way home I did a shop in the local supermarket and he put it all away for me. Shortly after we went to bed as he had to be in Newport for 10am.

At 8:45 my alarm sounded so I forced him out of bed and I went for a wash and a wee. I had my usual cereal, moisturised, did my deodorant and got dressed in a beige vest and green/khaki trousers. I transferred into the car and he placed it in the boot and I took him to Newport then drove home where I mopped the kitchen and bathroom floor. I am waiting for the kitchen to dry as I want food and then I will visit my Grandparents. It is a hot day, shame I have no friends to enjoy it with!

Don't forget to look at my shark dive pictures on my Yahoo Group and I also made a video - £6 of which will go to charity :-)

2011-09-26T19:46:00.002+01:00

Tomorrow I have another courtesy car coming as the one I was given is a people carrier and it is hell getting in and out as well as the wheelchair. I actually feel like I've been in a car crash from all the dodgy transfers and struggling I've had to do.

The shark dive was fantastic and I'd recommend it to anyone, much better than a sky dive! I got cold quickly though in the water and it was very frustrating trying to get the wetsuit on and off and I got very pissed off very quickly with it. The night before the dive I visited friends in Blackburn whom I know from Creamfields. I was tired after my 5 hour drive and returned to the hotel to go to bed by midnight ready for the all-you-can-eat breakfast in the hotel (which wasn't cheap, I wish I took cereal and some milk). A 4 hour drive home and I was exhausted, went straight to bed and Thursday I can't remember what I got up to but I may have had a sunbed seeing as there is a blank space in my phone diary. In the night I stayed at my fella's (who is trying to behave) and Friday i had voluntary work then a dental appointment for a filling. There are no toilets in the dentist so I wheeled to the public toilets and forced my way into a tiny cubicle to transfer in the confined space onto the toilet to do my business then returned to the dentist where he gave me the anaesthetic and sent me to the waiting room while it did it's magic. After my filling I went home and waited for my guy to finish work. I transferred into the car struggled furiously with the wheelchair then text him only to have him reply that he wasn't ready. This is the 3rd time he hasn't told me in ample time that he will be late, the 1st time I sat in the car for THREE hours. I have told him each time it is not acceptable and next time I will just stay in my apartment. He stayed at mine over the weekend and so far everything is going alright except for him having a bit of a pout Sunday (always a bloody Sunday) because I told him I don't HAVE to tell him anything, it's my life and I'll do what I want. In his paranoid head he takes it as far as finishing with him tomorrow or seeing other men so that escalated into a heated debate. Well, I raised my voice and he just looked shocked. Today I drove him to work and went for a sunbed then to the shops to utilise the 25% discount in one of my favourite clothes shops then I went to visit my folks but as soon as I got outside I had a message asking me to pick the Mr up so I called my Grandmother who came out to wave at me as I sadly drove off.

Outside his work he explained the situation and we went for a carvery. He assisted me to the bathroom and we were soon full from all the veg and meat. I got petrol on the way back and am now sat on the sofa as he watches a film in Polish on his phone.

2011-09-21T22:36:00.000+01:00

Hey guys, I've just got back from my shark dive but I'm tired and my back is killing me from my courtesy car so I'm off to bed. Speak soon xx

2011-09-18T18:45:00.004+01:00

He actually finished work at half 6 Saturday after saying half 2 but after he took me to the cinema to watch Cowboys & Aliens, carefully carrying me to a seat. When the lights came up I put my gloves on and got carried back to my chair and wheeled to the toilet. After I transferred into the car and we drove back and went to bed.

Today was interesting... he brought me strawberries and cream in bed and when I thanked him he said it was standard. Bear in mind he told me he loved me after 2-3 weeks and mentioned living with me and to be completely honest yes I think he's like that with all women, it's 'standard' to him. Way to make a girl feel special. he did some wheelchair maintenance for me and while I was doing my Peristeen his mood changed. My attitude is I know you're sulking but if I ask if you're OK and you say yes I'll act like everything's OK. He went to bed then woke up still in a sulk and demanded I take him home so I did and he didn't speak the whole journey until we arrived at his when he decided to speak. He said something about me doing what I want and him thinking, well last night he thought I wouldn't be interested in him if I could walk (how about I say the same to him... wonder why the control freak chose me perhaps?? Come on, we all know about some rare Dev's who like the control aspect... not saying he's a Dev but he definitely is a control freak). When he said about thinking I drove off and had a text from him. I have a box of condoms. last week he counted them and also this week and claims there are 3 missing. Fuck that shit. What sort of weirdo goes in your handbag, counts your condoms then goes in a sulk and doesn't tell you til you've taken him home and left? Then asks you to come back and talk? I dunno. I keep hoping things will get better.

2011-09-17T13:03:00.003+01:00

OK so here's going from memory. I picked my fella up from work on Friday and had a carvery on the way. When I arrived it turned out he wouldn't be ready for another 2 hours which is not a problem but he could have told me. I waited in the car and watched a couple of men try to impress me as they walked past and I ensured the doors were locked. When he had done his job we drove to his where he had a shower and collected some things for the weekend as we agreed for him to stay at mine as it is easier plus the cats get lonely. I could tell by his eyes and the sweat on his brow that he had been taking drugs but this is not a problem, I take drugs myself sometimes. He claims he takes them because he is stressed and tired but i know myself the drug he takes stops you sleeping and makes you paranoid and anxious....

Anyway, I downloaded a film and we watched it in bed and when the film ended he was still awake whilst I slept and he went through my Facebook wall, pictures, comments, and made a crazy scenario that I was seeing other women, misread a picture titled 'Leah in clothes shocker' (in his mind it meant I was wearing a mutual friend's clothes, named Shocker and I was a liar because I said I've never met him) then even 'attacked' me over a picture collage a friend had made because my picture was amongst one of someone else he knows who I had said I don't know, and I don't! It's not my friend list plus there were 4 lads in that one picture in the collage so even if one of them was my friend it doesn't mean I knew the rest. It wasn't pleasant for me and it exhausted me. I debated whether to take him to my grandparents after all but I did and he was still sleepless....

Sunday at his I did some drugs too and also some Valium. He didn't like this. Told me to get dressed and go and kept on and on at me about this Valium so I got dressed and then he begged me to stay! It was one hell of a drama. Monday he was so psychosed he forgot how to speak English and was rocking back and fore licking his eyebrows. I made sure he slept and on Tuesday told him I'm not going to stop him doing drugs but if he's had this particular one I do not want to see him until he has slept. He is manageable when he is not on this drug, I admit he is paranoid and insecure but on this drug he is just insane. I am not in fear of my personal safety. When he is around he does everything for me that I ask, and sometimes gets a bit too much. I like to do my own breakfast thanks. And cook my own tea. Eastern Europeans!

On Tuesday I had to take my car to a repair shop regarding the roundabout crash I had. I went to see my Grandparents after this and used their toilet. It's hard work as it is very narrow and they have no hand rail so I try my best on the toilet to dress but usually transfer into my chair to pull my tight jeans up fully. I explained everything to my Grandmother about my fella as I tell her everything. I had half hour nap on the sofa then drove to the dentist where I had a filling replaced. The dentist is always really wowed when I transfer onto the dentist chair and back, he thinks I'm fantastic :-) he's a good dentist! Back home with a numb mouth I went to bed for a bit then woke at 6pm so I could get ready to see my friend Liz for a carvery! I went to the toilet there then met my fella after.

On Wednesday I had an appointment to measure me up for a new wheelchair, I hope to get a good one so watch this space. Friday I had volunteer work in the morning then went to a nail bar near where my fella is working to get my nails redone. I requested them thick as they snap with my hand usage but he insisted so if one breaks I'll go back! Simple as, and won't pay for a repair as I did insist.

Lately as I've been with him my bowel care hasn't been as easy so I've been taking the shower head off the hose and using that to clean my bowel out but the Peristeen goes further into the bowel so using a hose means I need to go every day and on Friday I had to go twice. I haven't shared this with him and at his work when he carried me to the toilet I could tell I needed to go when I wiped my pussy so I had to get my fingers up there, nice! I cleaned up any mess and explained I needed the toilet for something more important than usual as he wanted to stay at his for a while but I did not want shitty knickers ha ha! Back at mine I shut the bathroom door and did my Peristeen, what a relief. Oh and Thursday night I accidentally wet myself... on him in my sleep. Oh well!

Today he had to work so I set my alarm for 8.30. When we have sex he pulls out to come and he was aiming for my tits and had me in the eye and hair ha ha I had a shower and sorted myself out then drove him to work. As he will be a few hours I've driven home, got the chair and myself out of the car, transferred and wheeled into my apartment and got cosy on the sofa to speak with my lovely online fans/friends :-D

2011-09-16T17:50:00.001+01:00

Hey guys, sorry I've not been updating but I've been very busy ;-) I will have to update you from my haphazard memory and diary on my phone when I get the chance....

2011-09-09T13:46:00.002+01:00

Well I'm shocked to hear Tom comment thinking that my diarrhoea may be caused from me not doing my bowel care as usual. Thanks, really made my day there especially when I was sat on my grandmother's toilet yesterday with it pouring out of me like water. DEFINITELY something do do with not doing my bowel care. That was sarcasm by the way. Have you ever had diarrhoea? Try combining that with the inability to feel below the waist and the body's natural way of rejecting fluids so it's hardly like I could hold it in now, is it?

I did turn up at my fella's work in the coat and boots which pleased him plus I looked fantastic! As I stayed at his and my voluntary work is in the same town I called up and arranged to go in early and whiled the hours away counting charity money and condom packing. When I had finished I went home and had a shower and did my bowel care hoping it would flush anything out as I was still having issues. I then went for a nap and was actually woken up by my rear end making a weird noise. A quick check confirmed the dreaded. It was everywhere too. I tried to contain it but got it all over my legs. Luckily I still had a towel on my chair from my shower and I stripped the bed and threw everything in the wash, bleached my mattress protector and got back in the bath for a shower. I changed my duvet cover and left the mattress protector to dry overnight and when I got dressed I put a pad in my knickers just in case. I called my grandparents as I wished to visit them and when I transferred to their sofa I had a quick check and I had done a wet fart. I rushed to the toilet and felt inside my bum with a finger and it just poured out of me like water. I changed my pad and my grandmother helped me get my clothes back up.

After that I went home again, got some catheters and did my make up and drove to see my man. I got a burger for us on the way (actually had it delivered to the car to save me getting out) and outside his he carried me to his bedroom. I took overnight catheters and bags to save him carrying me to the toilet in the early hours and today once I had dropped him to his place of work I went for a sunbed and collected some money for my shark dive (http://www.facebook.com/leahcaprice for details). Back at home I fed the cats, mopped the floor and did my bowel care again. I had some Imodium last night which is for diarrhoea. I just took 2 now as I was scared to have breakfast in case I had an accident with him present but I had a sandwich after my sunbed. I am currently sat on a towel too. I am hoping the episodes are over. I also put a fresh bedsheet on my bed.

2011-09-07T18:51:00.002+01:00

So today is the 3rd anniversary of my accident and it's been an awful day, last night I full on shit myself whilst having sex! He seemed to brush this incident off. Today I had another accident on the way to the sunbed shop and had to wash myself off in Asda then travel back home half naked, then I eventually went for a sunbed and wet myself, went to Harvesters and shit myself again THEN crashed into a car on a roundabout! What an eventful day! Never mind, I will see him tonight and I plan to be wearing just a long coat with sexy undies and thigh high boots ha x

2011-09-05T12:00:00.003+01:00

My aunt and I went to Harvesters on Friday and I had my Botox done. To get into the property my aunt and her friend had to lift me in but it all went well and after I visited my half sister who has just given birth. She was pleased to see me and also glad of the rest from the world. Once we had finished I drove to Cardiff to see my new man and we had a relaxed evening. On Saturday I had to check on my cats and apartment and he went to work for a few hours. When I had sorted myself out I joined him and watched him work then took him home. On Sunday he carried me from his room to the car so we could check on the cats and spend some time with them. After this we went to Harvesters so I could replenish my food supplies and we got to his at about 11.30pm. I slept like a dead baby and this morning he woke me at 8am and we had sex 4 times. He just makes me so fucking horny! He's perfect, dominant, rough, sexy as hell, I watch him for hours. I was sad that he had to go to work. I hope I am not some game to him as he was showing me all his ex girlfriends on his photo albums and telling me how he cheated on his ex and how he fucked all the girls on his street. I don't need to hear that.

2011-09-02T10:45:00.002+01:00

Right I'm going from memory and diary calls on my phone so I can not guarantee a congruent timeline. On Tuesday Chris did move my wardrobe and we had a good clear out again and now my bedroom is looking so more spacious! I had to struggle with a lot of the contents so he could move the wardrobe but he helped mostly. I think I probably fell out of my chair at least once but I'm not sure. My Grandparents also helped me change my bedding at some point.

On the Wednesday I had volunteer work until about 4pm as my latest fella and I had planned for him to come to mine. I left work and forced my way through the heavy doors onto the street and got me then my chair into my car and drove to his place of work where he put the chair in the boot and we went to a local supermarket for refreshments and a toothbrush for him. We went to an inn for steak (he had curry) and had plenty of kissing in all the car parks we found ourselves in. At mine we started getting heavy on the sofa but the cushions kept sliding off so I suggested the bedroom. He had a shower in my en-suite and I had a good perv as he wandered about topless. Even though I can not feel below the waist I can feel the vibrations and I still feel horny when I'm fingered or fucked and boy did he finger fuck me. My cat thought I was being attacked and would not leave us alone. Due to the rubbing of my urethra I wet myself several times and visited the toilet regularly but I was not embarrassed and he was not perturbed. I refused to have full penetrative sex with him but I watched keenly as he ate my pussy and tongue fucked me and made all the right movements and noises as I did not wish to divulge that I have no sensation. The next morning it was too much to bear and we had sex. I didn't last long which meant I didn't have to fake it for long but I still enjoyed watching him fuck me, I loved putting my hand between my legs and feeling his cock going inside me and I loved watching and feeling him on top of me as I held my legs around his body. I took him to work I am unsure what the rest of the day entailed but I definitely had a sunbed and visited him at work and via text I think we became boyfriend and girlfriend. This, I feel, is a bit soon as I barely know him and he is very full on which makes me wonder what number I am in a string of thousands. I had a Harvesters that evening.

Thursday I had a dental appointment and saw my man at work, I do not remember anything else other that the frantic packing of my car ready for Creamfields, aided by Chris.

Friday I went to see my man before I left for the weekend and told him I can not always reply to his texts immediately as he was starting to 'stalk' me if I wasn't replying straight away which is cheeky seeing as he often does not reply for hours! I picked up my friend and we navigated the 4 hour journey to Cheshire and had the staff erect our huge tent. It was a fantastic weekend marred only by the thickening mud and lack of disabled assistance. We actually had the police driving us about. We left Sunday night and it was a struggle to even get our car out of the site let alone a wheelchair. I was in bed by 5am as it is a long journey and went to see my fella Monday and stayed until yesterday afternoon. We went through a fair few condoms and he carried me about a lot as his home is not accessible for me. I have admitted I can not feel below the waist at all but he does not appear bothered. He has told me he loves me a few times which I told him was too soon and he does not know me and yet again how many others has he told that to? When I showered at his I took the shower head off and used the shower hose to do my bowel care but do not tell him ha ha xx

I went for a carvery with my cousin in this time and cleaned my car with Chris's help. I have been sorting out all my camping dirt and cleaning the flat bit by bit too. Later I will visit my gorgeous aunt for a meal and a Botox party. I am wearing a 50's style pink gingham dress.

2011-09-01T20:46:00.000+01:00

I'm still alive, bit of a wait I know but I'm very tired right now. I will be back xx

2011-08-26T12:03:00.002+01:00

I have much to share with you but I am preparing for a weekend camping at Creamfields so I will tell you all everything when I am rested and back online. To put you out of your misery we did have sex and I haven't told him I feel nothing below the waist so when he ate my pussy and fucked me I did a pretty convincing job of looking like I can feel it all. I enjoyed watching but sex really isn't my thing, it never has been but it is nice to give the something I suppose? Stay tuned, maybe Monday or Tuesday I will be updating....

2011-08-23T18:23:00.002+01:00

I did it all yesterday. I was up by 8am as I had arranged to go with a friend to Ikea and her mother was driving. Her dad turned up in a space wagon. To get in I transferred onto the step in then gripped the handrail on the ceiling and heaved myself onto the seat. I had to do this twice and to get out I had to get back onto the step then swing into my chair which was easy. In Ikea I wheeled about freely and decided I'd like not to stick to my wheelchair cushion so transferred onto a wooden bench, put a furry cushion cover on my seat and transferred back only to slide straight back out! I got back in, got straight back on the bench and removed that awful furry nightmare! After the shopping we went for a carvery and the floor drainage cover was missing! Lucky I can wheelie.. could have been unfortunate if I had not noticed. Once we had relieved our bladders and eaten she accompanied me to a local nail bar where she helped me navigate a step and I had my nails done then took her back home. After this I drove to another friend's, it had been a while since I had been to the toilet so we raced to Tesco toilets where I washed my hands and did my catheter before buying bread to feed ducks and drinks for ourselves. We went to McD's on route then to a lake to feed the ducks. There was bird crap everywhere and I got it on my glove, it was sick. We decided on the cinema so I washed my wheels in the toilets and we watched a film. To get to the seat though I couldn't wheel right up to it so I got on the floor, again, and scooted up into the seat I wanted. No one offered to help mind! My friend is a girl and pregnant so I would not expect her to be able to help before anyone wonders.

I was texting Polish guy and said I was at the cinema and he got a bit narky, thought I was doing the same as when I was with him if you get my drift? I explained my friend is a girl and he can check my Facebook if he wants as she had tagged me in a status plus I had pictures of us feeding the ducks. He text first this morning (I usually text him first which I don't appreciate ha) and he explained if he is upset or in a bad mood he doesn't text as his English is confusing. I laid on my bed so my legs were dangling to stretch my hip flexor muscle things and went through Facebook on my mobile phone then threw the duvet off, got into my wheelchair and went for my cereal. After that I had a shower, washed my hair, dried, got dressed and went for a sunbed. I also asked a lot of people for sponsorship for my dive and filled nearly 3 pages of my forms :-D

After this I went for fuel, beeped my horn so someone would come from the shop and texted Polish guy mentioning I was near where he was working and he said something about not seeing me so I rang him, gleaned the address from him and drove over. On the way I thought 'best do my face' and pulled in to do my make up. Glad I had my make up in the car and I was wearing a beige/stone colour vest with cute cream skirt all flouncy with some sequins sewn on plus my usual pink ballet pumps. I told him I was getting fuel though ;-)

He didn't get in the car and I didn't get out, we just played with each other through the open window, kissing, stroking, tickling, scratching, biting a little (well couldn't go too far, it was broad daylight IN THE STREET ha ha). He couldn't tear himself away and I had to reposition myself a few times as well as put my shoes back on twice as my movements forced them off. Finally he managed to escape and I drove back to my flat and lost my disabled badge through my open car window! I will pop into the council offices tomorrow and get a new one. My grandparents wanted to call in so I rushed about with a mop/sponge thing in the kitchen and bathroom and threw some rubbish out and decided to change my bedding as I've made plans with a certain foreigner to pick him up at 5pm tomorrow.... My grandparents helped change my duvet cover and after they left I went about making sure all the cat prints were washed off the walls under the windows! I am now waiting for my ex, Chris, to come and help me move a wardrobe perhaps. See how he feels...

2011-08-21T18:35:00.004+01:00

Well nothing has really happened since my tales of erotica except dirty texts in Polish which pleased me no end ha ha x I've just been doing my usual carvery thing.

Today, as the sun was out, I text my friend, Chris, and we went to the castle and fed the geese, they are so adorable, but vicious! We did a lap of the castle which was hard as the terrain is not even nor is it flat so I got pushed most of the way but where I've had a new cushion my feet are a tiny bit higher on the footplate and they keet sliding off forwards. This is not really a problem as they are not scraping the floor but it looks odd ha ha. Tomorrow I have an early start, I am going to Ikea with a friend. I wish to check out the sofas and a voile curtain for my living room. This will please me ha xx

I also did some vacuuming earlier with my Dustbuster. I have to lean right forward and steady myself with one hand on the floor to make sure I don't fall out but I did it!

2011-08-19T15:49:00.005+01:00

Writing erotica, well let me tell you ALL about last night! OK, a while back, July maybe? I met a Polish guy at the events I like so much and he pursued me but nothing came of it, we didn't meet up. Yesterday or the day before was his birthday so I text, invited him out which he claimed was very sweet as his friends don't do much for him. He text to say he was back from work and I was already dressed in a flirty cream tartan style mini skirt with a blue vest and my pink ballet pumps. I put my hair in a clip, put on my pink gingham hair band and grey gloves and made my way to the car where I transferred in and did the whole chair routine.

In Cardiff I waited, took pictures of myself (as you do) and he came, put the chair in the boot and I asked where he would like to go. He was full of no decisions and I already decided I wanted to go to the Bay so that's where we went. He seemed quite unpredictable, excitable, I had to keep telling him to behave. Until I realised being Polish maybe he can speak my fetish language - German, or even Russian. This shut him up as he felt stupid as he could not remember it fluently. I said I do not think he is stupid, I speak only one language. Once I'd picked the bill up I took him to the cinema and agreed he should pay and we were seated in the VIP seats cos that's where the disabled access is. Well it started with me fidgeting and progressed to tickling and scratching each other's arms. I was feeling pretty hot I must say. It didn't get further. Til we got to the car and I discovered a new technique. I wanted a picture so I lay head up in his lap for one and once it was taken pounced. I'll say now that I'm not sure if we were fighting to the death or making out but it was mind blowing. He was speaking quietly in whatever language it was, I don't even care what he was saying. We were clawing, gripping, biting, grabbing. I loved every fucking second of it, manoeuvring about the car to get on his lap, on top of him, he on me, everywhere! I felt I would need the toilet soon so we left and he started man handling me again and I nearly died I swear. Outside his home he did invite me in but I could feel I had wet myself and did not wish to say so I showed him my tender side, lots of stroking, nibbling, licking, tickling and gentle kissing and when he left I parked in an alley to do a catheter onto the street whilst perched on the door sill of my car.

I do fear if we meet again one of us may die ha ha it appears we both like the same thing and that is rare for me and usually those with the same interests are insane. He probably is but I enjoyed it and I want more.

Back home I did the whole chair thing, got inside and checked Facebook on my phone then went to sleep and woke to a text at about half 8? I was too horny to get back to sleep and I was thinking of the night before so I finally got up at about 10, did the dishes, hung some washing up, had a shower and had breakfast then went to get some new side panels and a cushion for my chair, some cereal from the supermarket and had a sunbed in Aberdare. I am now about to pick my friend up, Chris, up to go rape Harvesters salad bar as the sun has got his hat on!

Watch this space ;-)

2011-08-18T14:28:00.003+01:00

On Monday Bionic guy cancelled due to getting a quad with his father so we rearranged for Tuesday. Didn't hear from him so he can go fuck himself. I blocked date guy cos I was starting to get a bit bothered due to being let down in such quick succession and I was telling a good friend all about it and he insisted I come out. I actually cried on the phone, I was at a really low ebb. I hadn't even got out of bed for a wash and I hadn't brushed my hair. I have never been like that. I really had to force myself out of bed to quickly wash and get dressed and we went to the cinema with another guy whom I know from my teenage years. I felt so much better after and woke up early(ish) Wednesday and went straight to a home furnishing shop in Cardiff for things for my apartment. I contacted my ex, Chris, who helped me clean the flat and put my various purchases about the place and to repay him we went to Harvesters and ate everything. I felt full for hours after but we still went to a local supermarket so I could get cat food and fly spray (I hate the fuckers). I was asleep by 2am and decided to keep my buzz going so cancelled voluntary work to tidy my apartment some more. It is freezing again, summer is officially shit. I have my slanket on and the heating. I don't even have the heating on in winter! Later I am picking a friend up to take him for a birthday meal. If he lets me down I'm not sure how I will take it, maybe I will take myself out for a birthday meal instead. I know right now I'm depressed and I know why so I'm nipping things in the bud. I've deleted 2 phone numbers, deleted 2 people off Facebook, blocked one and told another where to shove it. The sad thing is there are really nice guys out there and pricks like that spoil it for everyone cos now I'm barely giving anyone a first chance now, it's not worth my time even if I'm just sat here picking my nose.

I've ordered some business cards too for my shark dive with the sponsor text number on and Facebook like page so hopefully that will pay off and a local magazine called for my story too :-)

I've been clumsy in the chair lately and have come out backwards about 3 times this week, no damage done, glad I can get back in so swiftly!

2011-08-15T01:29:00.004+01:00

Well I never heard from date guy again, not sure what his problem is. We have mutual friends on Facebook and are often on the same statuses and I don't feel the need to delete him. It is a shame, I thought he was a nice guy. It does only take a few moments to tell a woman why you don't want to see her again. In the evening my good friend came and took me out, he even bought me dinner. He's great, a good listener and gives good advice and has his own morals and ethics that he sticks to. If I wasn't who I was we'd be perfect together ha ha x We saw the new Planet of the Apes film and I really enjoyed it. Oh and in the day let me tell you a story - on my birthday I went to Bionic which is a club event and I kissed 2 guys, well, I was in the hospital Friday enquiring about treatment for my hammer toes that are forming but I got out of the lift on the wrong floor and, as fate would have it, guess who was walking past the lift?! One of the lads! I got his number and his post code and am picking him up at 7pm tomorrow, for a carvery no less :-D

Tonight I had a wedding party and popped my tyre on the kerb, again. Luckily a car behind saw it and changed it but I'll have to Kwik Fit it tomorrow. To the wedding party I wore a tight just above knee length halter neck dress with red flowers complemented by red shoes. Whilst there I spied a very attractive lad and asked my friend to obtain his number. He came over and I played it very sweet which isn't like me but when he admitted he was a player I thought fuck this, I'm a sexual animal eat you like a cannibal. When he left he went to peck me on the cheek but I grabbed him and rammed my tongue down his throat. Why not?

2011-08-11T09:55:00.008+01:00

I've been getting up earlier lately and enjoying it as I can get so much more done. On Tuesday I woke up and it was freezing! It's meant to be summer! I swung myself out of bed and into my chair to go for my usual wash and wee and placed a towel on my chair to dry my bum as I went to moisturise my elbows and put deodorant on. I decided I needed to get some cardigans as it was so cold so I got dressed in my cute black and white gingham skirt with white vest and finished the look with black ballet pumps and black leather gloves. I got to my car and transferred in using my board for safety as I'm rather clumsy then brought the chair in after me piece by piece. In Cardiff I found a disabled spot and parked there to get myself together and wheeled to the shops. I got a little carried away and got 2 cardi's and 3 long sleeved t shirts as well as some seamless hot pant style panties. I also got some new face wash and a scented candle and managed to get my bag full to the car without dropping anything. When I arrived home, however, it was a different matter. The paper bags they gave me ripped and I really struggled to get everything into my flat. Inside my flat I noticed the postman had left a delivery through my window which I picked up and put on the sofa.

A few hours later my beautiful aunt Joy came to visit me and we went for a carvery and a catch yo as I haven't seen her for years and she is so stunning you would not believe! She came back to mine for a bit and took my rubbish out for me before she left.

Yesterday I discovered a flea an the bed so I know the cats are itchy fir a reason. I put flea drops on them last week and went straight out to get flea collars. Whilst I was in the supermarket I picked up blank CD's, bin liners, washing up pads for the dishes and there was a deal on shower gel. The guy I've been dating had promised Sunday he would be up that night and I sent him 3 light texts and nothing, so I rang him twice. Answer phone. Fuck that. I went to bed and this morning called him at work where he claimed he was having a day where he didn't want to speak with anyone. I'm not up for game playing, it takes moments to send a text. I don't expect the earth, I wouldn't accept this behaviour off a friend or even gas man and I don't expect it from him either. I rang him at work ha ha that freaked him out and you know what? I don't care. It's a shame, he's a nice guy but ignorance I can not deal with. I have voluntary work later and have my long sleeved t shirt on with a vest as I am so cold. I may even get a cardigan on. I always think to myself isn't it interesting that we do so much more to ourselves emotionally than anyone else ever could, or even be aware of?

2011-08-08T19:28:00.003+01:00

On Thursday I had voluntary work again which involved stuffing condoms into handy little packages. On the way home I obviously stopped for a carvery, I ate it outside as it was bright albeit cloudy. I don't recall what I did after that and I'm not about to piss myself off trying to remember.

I had an early night Thursday anyway as I felt unwell and woke nice and early Friday so took full advantage. I had my usual wash a wee, got dressed and went to a large supermarket and commandeered a member of staff to help me find a new light weight vacuum cleaner, mattress protector and some other household things. I picked my ex Chris up on the way back to help me with my purchases but not before I went for a sunbed and got my nails done. Chris brought all the spare clothes and shoes out of my car as well as my purchases and I was preparing for my birthday night out. At half 8 I was dressed and on my way to pick my friend up to go to my favourite event, Bionic. It was fairly empty and unfortunately some fat, ugly woman thought it was important to ask me what happened to me. I asked what happened to her? It got quite heated and I had to have a word with the staff. Some people are so fucking rude. I enjoyed my night though men were buying me balloons of laughing gas and we stayed til the end. When it was over my friend and I drove to hers where her fella was and all she did was keep on and on asking if he was OK, was he in a mood, kiss her, hold her hand, so I left. He carried me back to the car and I went home.

On Saturday I had a hen night meal and it was themed Miss World, I chose Miss Hawaii and I underestimated the hen when she said only I was keen. Everyone else was in clothes. I couldn't change into my flower bra and grass skirt, I felt like a prize prick! We arrived at the venue which had pathetic toilet facilities and one of the group was told I should use the public toilets outside! I ended up getting to the door and transferring to the floor and sliding to the toilet. One of the group had a disabled mother and helped me, I was very grateful. I was very tired so after my food I went home and straight to bed!

Sunday I was invited to my latest date's place. I got there a bit late as I wanted to look nice for him, curling my hair and spraying it to hold it. He carried me upstairs and he cooked for me again and we just relaxed - he was hungover. To be honest I don't feel he is attentive enough. I like tests saying nice things, I like timely replies and I like kept promises and I'm not sure if he can reach those markers. When it got late he made some excuse as to why he didn't ask me to stay so I just said to stop talking, he didn't ask so stop making excuses for something that didn't happen. I got home and had a good sleep and today I went for a sunbed and a little bit of shopping and cooked myself a spag bol. Yesterday I managed to flip out of my chair twice and once today. Good thing I'm a whizz at the old floor to chair eh? I then sprinkled Shake n Vac around the living room and used my new Vacuum cleaner. It wasn't easy and it made me feel sick and depressed due to how hard it was and to be honest I don't think I'll bother again, I'll ask a friend. It's not worth it for my mental health. It made me feel suicidal to be honest.

2011-08-03T21:28:00.003+01:00

Anonymous commenter - people in wheelchairs don't want your pity although I see your point I have actually been to Thailand twice and seen many people in wheelchairs.

Anyway, to my life :-D

On Monday I did go for a carvery on my own and then to the hospital to meet my friend who had been taken in urgently. My date was texting, he's had a busy day and to be honest I thought he was going to cancel. Paranoid I am, I need to sort that out to be honest. Anyway, we met at a nearby Beefeater and went in for a few drinks and just talked (I'm really good at it ha ha) until the staff looked like they wanted to leave so then I wheeled to my car with him behind me and got in and we talked some more. He had work the next day so yeah we had a bit of a kiss and he made his way home. When I got home I did a tanning injection (it increases melanin production) and as it makes my nerve endings around my midriff play up I took some Valium and sent him a text thanking him for the night and fell asleep. The next morning I re read the text, I don't remember writing half of it but it was a bit forward to say the least. I was mortified, sent a text of apology and got out of bed to have a shower. Once I'd sorted myself out he'd replied and we were back on track. I went for a sunbed and looked in the shops before visiting my grandparents then I drove to Bristol to see him.

On the way I insisted I'd have a McDonald's as he wasn't hungry and on arrival he helped with my chair and I followed him to the stairs of his apartment block. He is on the top floor and carried me all the way up before returning for my chair, what a hero! I stayed on the sofa and asked after my McD's only to find it was an elaborate ruse and he went to the local shop and bought me steak and cooked it with a hand made sauce! This guy is dangerous I tell you ha ha x I used his bathroom and when he looked tired I started putting my shoes on to be carried back downstairs and he offered me to stay, not in a rude way. I accepted and sorted myself out in his bathroom before stealing some of his pants and a t shirt to wear to bed. We had a bit of a cuddle and I had quite a good sleep! He went to work until about midday and when he returned I sorted myself out in his bathroom and when he was ready to leave he carried me all the way back downstairs.

Back in Wales I went for a carvery and popped in on my friend in hospital and told her all the gossip. He did suggest meeting tonight but he has gone for a celebratory drink with his friends as he had an interview for a job in Wales. I popped in to a supermarket on the way home and stocked up on cereal, milk and cat food and am now catching up on everything.

2011-08-01T15:11:00.002+01:00

On Thursday night I had a message in my Facebook inbox from a guy I had recently added inviting me over. I was suspicious of this, obvious reasons, and said 'no funny business' but went anyway. What's the worst that could happen? Not much really. On arrival I rang his house number and was relieved to hear his mother answer the phone and say he'd be out now. I got my chair out and he helped me into his living room where he had a party going on. It was all above board, it was fun. He explained when he was a teen he had a few accidents and mentioned Motorcross which I think is a motor bike sport? He said he was in a chair for 2 years and he had broke his neck and his back on separate occasions but had made a full recovery. After a while I used his downstairs bathroom which was accessible even if not fully and did a catheter and later that night he fell asleep and I went home.

Yesterday I had a date with a friend of a friend, through Facebook again, in Cardiff Bay. We met at a junction on the motorway and I got in his car using the handle inside the roof for leverage. We had an enjoyable meal then decided to go to the cinema where he carried me to a seat and enjoyed a film. I still have back ache and I was fidgeting a lot to try and ease it but to no avail. When the film was over he took me back to my chair and I used the disabled rest room. I don't like transferring on tiled floors in high heels but I managed it. Afterwards we sat in his car chatting for hours til I realised I would need the toilet again soon and would have to leave. Yeah we kissed ha ha and we arranged to meet up today. I got up and had my usual wash and wee, put the damp clothes from the washing machine on the airer and also mopped my bathroom and kitchen floor. I've been hoovering my bed too as the cats have been moulting all over the place. I haven't heard from him since midday (my date) but I may put my make up on anyway and if he bails on me I'll go for a carvery on my own, not the end of the world! Um..

2011-07-31T02:38:00.003+01:00

To the anonymous poster who asked if I would describe my legs as useless or useless - neither. And I can not stand, I wish people would stop fucking asking. Cheers!

And any further comments from anonymous posters will NOT be read or responded to. You all have my email address, you all have my yahoo group so whichever coward it is... bring it on!

2011-07-28T18:19:00.003+01:00

On Monday night I appeared on an Internet radio station with camera broadcast to promote my dive, it all went swimmingly and I hope people managed to tune in and that I get some sponsors for it. I took my ex Chris as he came last year for the skydive promotions and afterwards we went to Beefeater to stuff our faces.

Tuesday was the hottest day so far, which isn't hard as it's been overcast every day for weeks. I got up at about midday and went for a sunbed and on the way I had a call from a local newspaper as they wanted to take pictures for an article about my upcoming shark dive. I made sure I was back in time and did my make up and put my charity t shirt on. I called my ex after to see if he fancied a picnic. Bad move as the traffic was horrendous! We got to a lovely park by about 6pm! An hour we were in traffic! It was still hot though and we enjoyed the sun, returning home at about 8pm.

Yesterday I took myself for a carvery then drove to Cardiff to do some shopping. Now I've had a boob job I don't need a bra as much so I've been buying boob tubes and loving it! I wheeled from store to store and bought 2 tops before returning to my car and transferring in. Back home I got out of the car and into my apartment and reheated a leftover Indian from Sunday night.

I had voluntary work today and on the way home I was hungry as usual so I drove to a nearby supermarket and parked disabled. As usual people stared as if to say 'you don't look disabled'. Well how exactly does one look disabled? They soon look away when they see me getting the chair out. I hit my front car tyre and nearly came out of my chair though ha ha! I chose a sandwich and drink and ate it in the car before driving for petrol. I asked a man to request assistance for me and he came up to my window to actually check I was wheelchair bound as described! Never mind. I came home and had a quick wee before checking my emails and in half hour I'm off for a carvery with a friend. I've had back ache a lot lately, I'll do some gentle stretches more often. Oh and the hospital rand cos 4 months ago I told the doctor about my toes curling so I have an appointment to see if they can help me with that.

2011-07-25T15:59:00.003+01:00

Sorry I've dropped off the radar for a week, it's been hectic! On the 20th I went for a carvery with a friend but the worst thing happened, well it's not really the worst - just inconvenient. I had just left my estate and as I took a bend one of my wheelchair wheels slid and landed on me! In my hurry to move it I wasn't looking at the road and mounted the kerb and popped my front tyre! I had to pull in with my hazards on and call the RAC. Not one person stopped to help and one even beeped as he passed. Eventually a kind gent stopped with all the necessary equipment just as the RAC pulled up! They changed my tyre and advised me to go straight to the garage for replacements which I duly did. When I arrived I asked if I could stay in the car as I'm in a wheelchair and that was fine, the work was done and I got to my friend 90 minutes over schedule. At the carvery she assisted with my chair and I used my board to get in then went to the bar. It had been a while since I went to the toilet so I rushed to the disabled facilities as my friend got the carvery ticket. I was famished and the carvery went down a treat! On the way out I hit a little lip in the pavement and fell out of my chair! A man gave me a hand which saved me doing a floor to chair and we went on our way.

That evening another friend came down to accompany me to the local supermarket. We went in his car and I got in and out without my board. We bought food for me to cook for us and chatted into the night.

On Thursday I went to a friend's to watch Harry Potter. Her boyfriend carried me about where necessary and we had a brilliant evening. I was careful on my back as not to get any pressure areas. I didn't leave til Friday morning. I slept most of the day and went out late that night.

I spent Friday being helped up and down various surfaces and in and out of cars, it was a whirlwind of activity finally ending in me finding a sofa and chilling out. I didn't need much assistance with the toilets other than getting my clothes on and off as there weren't rails or surfaces to cling onto. The next morning my friend wheeled me backwards down the steps and I got in my car and took myself home where I slept for a very long time!

I spent yesterday relaxing and putting the world to rights, got an Indian in and went to bed at my usual hour. When I woke today I called the shark dive place to book a date and it's set for the 19th September woo xx

2011-07-18T18:01:00.002+01:00

I had an early one Friday night after, by early I was in bed by midnight but read a book. I've had to be careful with my feet lately as I have a very small area on a bone on my right foot that looked like a bruise, very small, so I've been lying on my left side but I knocked my ankle and have a cut which is small but round. I don't like lying on my back as I'm on my arse all day plus I think lying on my back gave me a large blister on my foot which has only just healed. My back aches when i lie on my front or back for too long and always has.

On Saturday I had the carvery I was meant to have Friday. I picked my friend up and we went to a local one and caught up on the gossip. Whilst there another friend text asking if I wanted to see Harry Potter that night. I said yes, took my friend home after our meal and waited for my other friend. My other friend worries too much and I'll be there getting the chair at the right angle and he'll move it somehow thinking he's helping and when I transfer (without a board in his car as he has a handle on the passenger side which I grab and swing in and out) he sometimes almost grabs me. This bugs the hell out of me as it's dangerous. I put the chair in a certain place for a reason and if I'm grabbed when I'm doing a perfectly safe transfer it could cause me to slip and fall. I told him this and said the worst that can happen is I fall. It rarely happens and it's not going to kill me sliding slowly onto the floor. I hope he's got the hint to be honest. He's a good man though, not slagging him off. It was relatively quiet in the cinema and I transferred into the cinema seat and enjoyed the film before he drove me home and I went to bed.

Today I text a friend to see if she wanted to come to Aberdare and get her nails done but she was still in bed. I set my alarm especially for 11.38am but to be honest I didn't sleep well. I had a lot of bad dreams and woke up thinking someone was in my apartment. When my alarm went off it woke me from a creepy dream involving underground tunnels or caves and vampires, nasty ones like off that film The Descent or The Cave? Not sure which film it is. I was glad to get up. I considered going back to sleep but wanted to sort my day out so I forced myself out of bed and had a wash and did my Peristeen. I dressed in my signature indigo jeans and a grey t shirt then eased a pair of grey suede ballet shoes on to go out. My friend hadn't replied so I went without her. I found a disabled bay opposite the nail place and got the wheelchair out then used my slide board to get in it and rearranged my feet. I wheeled over the road and up a slight lip in the kerb and into the nail bar where they worked their magic. After that I went for a sunbed then got a sandwich and had a look in the sales where I bought some biscuit colour skinny jeans and a black and white striped 3/4 sleeve top. As my headlights have been out for so long I called the garage who said I could bring it straight in so I got fuel on the way (a nice gentleman did it for me) and drove to the garage. I didn't want to get out of the car so i called them but they were taking so long to come and it had been 4 hours since my last wee that I decided to get out and sit in the showroom and use their disabled facilities. They advised me when they had corrected the problem with my lights and I went home. I was hoping to go for a carvery but not sure if I can be bothered. I have to get some milk anyway but may do that in a few hours. See how I feel.

2011-07-15T17:19:00.003+01:00

On Wednesday I went for my usual sunbed and then to the nail bar which was too busy to fit me in. I called my grandma to confirm I would take her to an appointment then drove to a local supermarket on my way to have a pee. As usual the disabled bays were full so I parked in two spaces and assembled my wheelchair before wheeling to the store toilets. I carefully transferred onto the toilet and wriggled from side to side pulling my jeans and panties down then did my catheter, wiped and wriggled back into my clothes. I swiftly got back in my chair and positioned my feet then went back to the car.

Outside my grandparents I parked slightly on the kerb so my wheelchair wouldn't half roll in the gap between the car and the pavement and sorted my chair out. I got in it and wheeled to the gate where I flung it open then slammed it behind me and got to the front door. I forced it open and wheelied over the door lip into the narrow hall and into the living room. I spoke with my grandad for a bit and my aunt was there with her youngest child. After an hour I stole my grandma and my aunt put my chair in the boot for me while my grandma got in the passenger side. I took her to her appointment then went for a drive through McDonald's before going back to the car park where I waited for her. When she was done I took her back and my aunt put the chair in the front and I went home to prepare dinner for my ex housemate who came over. When that was done I had him follow me about to the supermarket but the security guard stopped us! Said we weren't allowed! I may try it again, a bit more surreptitiously though. Fingers crossed.

On Thursday I had voluntary work then went for a carvery on the way home. My friend came over to watch the 2nd and 3rd Harry Potter film but we chatted through them ha ha x after she left I did a quick Peristeen and pee and went to bed. I keep meaning to go to the garage as my headlights aren't working but I've been too busy doing nothing. Just have to be careful after dark. My side lights and fogs still work. Not sure what the issue is. Was going for a carvery today but my friend who was coming let me down as his daughter is with him.

2011-07-12T16:31:00.004+01:00

I had an early night Friday after and on Saturday was invited to a last minute birthday party at someone's house I know. I met my friend in a local bus stop and drove to their house where he helped me into the property and I squeezed into the living room. I got on the sofa and tried to join in the party but I hardly knew anyone and the birthday girl kept blasting the music (which was shit music too) so I was finding it hard to hear anyone. I managed to get into the bathroom for a wee and back into the living room where people were increasing in numbers and I started to feel very very nervous. There were people dancing, shouting, moving about quickly and it was unpredictable so I left by midnight and went home to bed. I spent most of Sunday in bed, why not!

Yesterday I went to another friend's house to start watching the Harry Potter films from the beginning. Her boyfriend carried me up the stairs and when I wanted the toilet I just lifted myself across the floor to her bathroom. I had a leftover Indian from my lazy night before so reheated it then went to bed and read a book. I couldn't sleep though and when I did it was restless. I wanted to have a sunbed and get my nails done today but by the time I dragged myself out of bed I just didn't want to bother.

I had a text as well off a photographer from the event I went to a few weekends ago and I'm sure he was asking me out. His English is confusing though as he has only lived in the UK for 3 years, not as bad as my Polish that's for sure ha ha x

2011-07-08T21:56:00.003+01:00

I had voluntary work yesterday and it was tipping down, I hate the rain as I can't grip properly in it plus I get soaked. I refuse to rush though as I would rather be wet in my chair than wet on the floor so I got into the car at my regular speed and only screamed a little when the rain hit my arm as I took my wheelchair apart and put it in the car. Outside my work it wasn't raining and the sun was coming out so that was good. I got inside and did my duties with ease. I'd forgotten to take a catheter so I left with time to spare and went to the local carvery and used their facilities before settling down to have my turkey and beef roast. After that I drove to see a friend briefly and went home where I sorted myself out for the cinema.

At 8pm I got into my wheelchair from the sofa and got my shoes on then did my usual car transfer and picked my friend up. We drove to a local cinema and chose to watch Transformers. There was wheelchair access right at the back but only one cinema seat so I was forced to watch from my chair which isn't the cosiest for relaxing, it's the equivalent of standing to watch a film. It was a good film though and afterwards I took her home and she left the chair in the boot so I went to a local garage and they put it in the passenger seat for me.

Today I was up early to take my friend to a job interview and we went for food and a little shop. I had a wee there and when I took her back I called my Grandparents to check they were in and went to see them. I relaxed on their sofa for a bit with my legs up on my wheelchair then text a friend for a carvery and made my way home. My friend arrived at half 6 and he drove which was nice. Towards the end of our evening I was getting hot and cold flushes but thought nothing of it but when I transferred into his car I could see I was starting to wet myself. I told him and apologised and we went back to mine where I had a long, much needed wee. That was my fault for having 2 pineapple juices!

I am now on the sofa thinking what the hell am I doing in on a Friday night ha x

2011-07-04T15:32:00.003+01:00

On Thursday I had voluntary work, I was even went to bed early in readiness but ended up texting someone til the early hours but when my alarm went off I forced myself up. Luckily I did my bowel care and had a shower the night before but I still had my usual wash and wee and bowl of mango granola in yoghurt, it was lush! When I finished work I was glad to see no one had hit my wing mirror off (I tucked it in on purpose after last time) and called my friend as she said she wanted me to come for a carvery with her and her son. She wasn't answering so I went home and cooked fillet of sea bass in the oven and boiled some frozen veg. My landlord came around with a letter I needed for my housing benefit and my dinner was lush so win win all round ha x

Afterwards I picked my friend up for a catch up on all the gossip.

Now as I was worried about my new boobs I'd got in contact with the lady who does my botox so she asked me to come over Friday morning. I was tired from Thursday night but figured my chest is more important so I made my way to Cardiff. She was late which was a shame as I could've had an extra 30 minutes in bed ha ha! She looked at my wounds and said everything looks fine and told me which dressings to buy and how often to change them and the best way then I went back home and went straight back to bed! I woke up about 6pm had a wash and cooked myself a fillet steak then decided I wanted to go to Bionic, a dance event that occurs regularly. I rummaged through what I call my fancy dress box and pulled out anything tiny and ridiculous before settling on the red polka dot number pictured on my yahoo group. I got my feet into a pair of red high heels, forcing my fingers in the straighten my toes and did my hair in easy bunches and did my make up.

When I was ready to go I found my red leather gloves to match my ensemble and used my slide board to get in the car, not only to ease pressure on my chest but my feet slide away with heels on which is dangerous. Sadly I slipped anyway, peril of rushing, and got half wedged in a really hard to describe position. I forced myself out, took a few minutes and cut my knee (God knows where) and got onto my seat properly and sorted my chair out. I arranged my legs so my feet were balanced so that my ankles weren't turned in and drove to Cardiff when I parked in a disabled bay and made my way to the club.

Upon entry the main event was downstairs and you can all guess - the lift was broke. Cheers. I used the toilet on the same floor I was on and had the door men carry me and my chair to the main event where I had to shove people out of the way to get past as they are too ignorant to listen to someone shouting 'excuse me!' at the top of their voice. I found a safe corner and danced there most of the night, stopping only to be air lifted upstairs for the toilet. There was another wheelchair user there, a guy, who wouldn't leave me alone which irritated me. He was getting all the 'hats off to you, you're such an inspiration' bull shit off people and I could see him telling them to fuck off ha ha! I left at about 4am and went home to bed.

On Saturday night a friend came over with his new girlfriend and I was a zombie on the couch as I couldn't sleep after Bionic and had a few hours on Saturday. We still caught up on any gossip and the like and they left Sunday at about 9am. I went to bed for most of the day then woke up at 6pm to return to bed at midnight.

Today I got up, I know I recently had a shower but can't remember when so I only needed a quick wash and did a quick Peristeen. I put an incontinence pad in my knickers as I often have a bowel accident after a heavy weekend and pulled on some dark jeans and a white vest. I put on my grey suede ballet pumps and grey gloves and drove to my friend's and looked at her local carvery which was shut! We went to her local Wetherspoons and I had steak. After we went to the chemist which was up hill so she pushed me and I wheelied back down. I am now sat in my apartment envying the sun but I have nowhere to go and no one to go there with.

2011-06-29T18:59:00.002+01:00

I'm starting to wonder does anyone read this blog and if so what would you like to hear more about? I'd hate to be wasting my time updating this as often as I have anything to write about if only 3 people are enjoying it. Feedback please?

Anyway, I've had an uneventful first half of the week. My ex housemate came over on Monday so in readiness I had a sunbed then went to the supermarket to pick up some food to cook. I settled on a red and yellow pepper, some small mushrooms and fillet steak accompanied with lambs leaf lettuce and rocket. I put my hair in bunches and did my make up to show him what he's missing seeing as his girlfriend is slightly overweight and even when she looks her best I look better on a Sunday morning. I wheeled about in a tight, cropped jumper that showed off my entire midriff and tight indigo jeans. Petty? So what? I looked gorgeous! Ha ha xx

When he arrived I was already preparing the peppers and heating the hob on the oven up. When I prepare veg I just hang a carrier bag to the drawer underneath the sink and put any waste in there to save me wheeling back and fore to the bin and opening it up which is quite fiddly. I fried the sliced peppers and mushrooms then quickly fried the steaks. I like mine rare and he likes his medium so I left his on a bit longer, checked the underside of my plate wasn't too hot and placed it on my lap to sit on the sofa to eat. When I cook or wash the dishes I like to put my brakes on and shuffle forward in my seat so I can reach better.

When we had finished we went to the supermarket as he needed some things and I topped up my shopping seeing as I had someone to help me carry the shopping and unpack. As he had work the next morning he brought his work clothes and had a few hours sleep with me in my bed. Now nothing untoward went on but I get the distinct feeling his girlfriend doesn't even know he comes to visit me, let alone slept in my bed. That kind of makes me feel better, like I have one up on her. Childish I know, but I can't help how I feel right now.

That night we also noticed my oldest cat wasn't really being herself, not eating not drinking, so I've been keeping an eye on her and forced a syringe of water into her last night and today she has eaten a little but not a lot. She has been sleeping a lot too but I am glad she has eaten, albeit a very small amount. In fact, I will check on her now.

I have a blister plaster on my heel now protecting the skin as it heals, let's hope it doesn't become an issue!

2011-06-26T16:14:00.002+01:00

I had a very full day Thursday. Let me begin with Wednesday night... I was sat in my usual position on the sofa, browsing the net, when I heard a noise outside my open living room window. This is normal so I thought nothing of it - until someone actually opened the window and tried to climb in! I freaked, shouted, they gave some incoherent name then regressed to saying 'it's me'. I did not recognise the voice and loudly advised them to move on or I will call the police. I immediately called the boy who lives upstairs to ask has anyone recently arrived or left his flat and he said no. I quickly swung into my chair, shut the window and went outside to find the perpetrator and soon came across two lads outside. I asked furiously who tried to climb through my window and the one lad claimed he was trying to find where the other lived. The other lad looked a bit mentally retarded but nonetheless this is not an excuse for trying to enter someone's home. imagine if I was out or in bed? I carried on with my questions and strong advice and they left. Shortly after I heard a police helicopter and police car with it's siren. Coincidence or not? Either way I couldn't sleep. I turned my phone off at 5am and managed to sleep for some time before I had to get up for my planned day out.

I did my usual morning routine and got dressed into my indigo jeggings. It was a grey day so I pulled on a pink coloured vest and my cobweb style tight jumper over the top. I stuck a cotton wool pad to the blister on my foot and eased my black ballet pumps on and made my way to the car, checking my mail on route to find 3 pairs of leather gloves I'd ordered had arrived. I joyfully selected a grey pair for the day and used my banana board to slide into the car and brought my wheelchair in behind me. Once I was at my friend's she put the chair in the boot and hopped in and we went to Cardiff. The restaurant we chose had steps and just as she was asking for assistance 2 boys passing came to my aid and picked me up and took me up the steps. It was a bit surreal, I'm not sure if I was manhandled there ha ha! We had our meals and I used the disabled bathroom before finding the disabled entrance/exit and getting back to the car to go to one of the many shopping centres.

I parked disabled, as always, and we looked in a few clothes shops and I bought some tight white jeans for the summer. We went to the new Krispy Kreme doughnut store and selected 2 doughnuts each then went to the cinema to watch Bad Teacher - a comedy with Cameron Diaz. I used the toilets first and after we went to a friend's house to relax. I dropped my friend home and went home myself with that window incident niggling in my mind.

On Friday my ex housemate came around. Something tells me he didn't tell his girlfriend... we had a good catch up and listened to music and he will be around again on Monday. He also brought cat food to save me the hassle. I spent Saturday in bed as I felt light headed and sick every time I got up (blood pressure I suspect) but I managed to get some fried hash browns down me in bed. When I moved to lie on my side, however, I realised they had gone straight through me and I had to change the bedding and wash part of my mattress laying a towel over the damp stain before putting the bed sheet over the top. It was nice to have clean bedding though, not that mine was dirty but things lose the clean smell after a few days don't they?

I checked the Internet on my phone and read a book before finally getting to sleep and waking up at 3pm today. I must have needed the rest. It is super sunny today as well! I have all the windows open and wish I was out there but I have nothing to do and no one to do it with!

2011-06-22T18:40:00.002+01:00

Yesterday I went and picked up a friend to go for a carvery. It's a bit sore getting my wheelchair into the car after me and I'm using the slide board getting on and out of the car to ease the pressure on my new breasts. Going over a speed bump a bit too fast hurts too so I've had to take it very gently.

My friend got in the car and placed my folded wheelchair in the boot and I drove us to the local carvery. She assembled it and I checked the wheels were on properly as well as the brakes before sliding onto the cushion and positioning my feet on the foot plate. I wheeled across the pavement and flicked a little wheelie to get into the carvery and headed straight for the bar to place our order. In the queue for the food, however, it was soon noted that they had no meat left! I rushed straight back to the bar, obtained our refunds and went to another carvery in a nearby town.

After our carvery we had a look in some shops and I tried a pair of bright pink high heeled suede sling backs then bought them when I saw how awesome they looked hooked on my footrest. My friend carried my bags to the car as they kept trying to escape from my lap and I took her home, and then myself.

This morning I got out of bed and had my usual wash and wee then had cereal while I waited for some antiseptic cream to sink into my nipple incisions then I put some medical micropore tape over the incisions (which are healing nicely) and put my sports bra on. Back in my room I put deodorant on and wriggled into a pair of black panties, a white flowy 3/4 length skirt and a white vest with pink stripes that I bought yesterday. I swung back into my chair and arranged my skirt then lifted each leg up to put a black ballet pump on each, making sure my toes were straight. I drove to my friend's house and brought her back to my apartment where she helped me clean the places I can't reach and ran the vacuum cleaner about wiped the skirting boards and dusted. I threw some old clothes and things I no longer want out and had a quick wee and then we went for a carvery before taking her home.

2011-06-20T22:31:00.002+01:00

This isn't the most dev-ish of posts but I'm attempting to get my hair from black to blonde as I had such a positive response from the blonde wig I wore the other day. Let's hope my hair a) doesn't fall out, and b) doesn't turn a funny coulour. Although funny colours can be rectified.

Watch this space eek!

LATER THAT EVENING

Well it went dark brown. Dyed it back black immediately lol xx

2011-06-18T04:47:00.002+01:00

I've been getting along just fine so far, yesterday I picked up my friend from her house and we went for a drive and had a good catch up. When I needed the toilet we went to a nearby supermarket and she got my chair out of the boot and put it together. I checked the wheels were on properly and the brakes before using my yellow slide board to swiftly get on the cushion then pulled my legs out of the car, placing my feet on the foot rest. I wheeled to the disabled toilets to find them busy so I waited and a man walked out. No limp, nothing, obviously just liked the luxury of the spacious room. I got on the toilet and wriggled my jeans and panties down before inserting my catheter and when I was done I got my panties and jeans back on and transferred back into my chair using the rails for leverage.

We visited a friend who has a tight bathroom but I managed, I had to get my clothes down in my wheelchair first though as it is more secure.

I visited a friend today too and he had to give me a piggy back ride to the bathroom up the stairs. I was safe though he did drop my leg on the way down the stairs though but there is no damage. I could see my foot clunking down the carpeted stairs behind me like a fish ha x

2011-06-15T16:31:00.002+01:00

Hey guys, right now I'm not sure how things are going to pan out with me in general. Due to excessive strain on our friendship due to an external influence's meddling I no longer have a housemate. Of course, this external influence is happy as Larry and had been getting in the way of my housemate's life for quite some time. I'd like to say I wish him the best but I don't, I hope he screws his life up real good and gets fat.

I went to my local supermarket today and balanced some cereal and juice on my lap before paying and wheeling it gently to my car. I am still tender with regards to my breasts and I can't wait for them to settle! I will visit my grandparents later in order to avoid my ex housemate who will be coming for the rest of his stuff. I am devastated but it's a long drawn out drama that I'm glad to see over, even if it was not the finishing line I wanted.

2011-06-10T13:44:00.003+01:00

I was having a gentle wash whilst waiting for my Peristeen to work it's magic when I noticed I have a blister, quite a large one, on the heel of my foot. I don't know how long it's been there and think it may be from lying on my back but it's more under the foot than on the back of the foot. It hasn't burst and I'm sat with my ankles crossed now to relieve pressure from the area. I haven't taken my indwelling catheter out yet as I wish to move myself as little as possible.

2011-06-09T14:00:00.002+01:00

I'm back from Poland, it was one hell of a palaver when we landed in Bristol as the assistance team was not there. I sat there for a good 20 minutes and even got asked twice if I could walk down the stairs. The second time I sharply replied 'if I could fucking walk I wouldn't be fucking sat here, would I?'. They finally got the mini wheelchair thing so I transferred in and arranged my feet on the footplate to get carted into some vehicle that takes the less able to the airport. I kept on about my wheelchair and had someone get it from the conveyor belt (I did ask it to meet me off the plane, I do not like being in the chairs in the airport one bit) and was relieved to transfer into it and be independent.

As all this had taken so long mine was the only baggage on the carousel. I had some assistance with my luggage and my friend was at the gates to meet me. I did a smooth move into the passenger seat and took the chair apart ready for the drive home. At home my housemate met me and helped me in and I went to bed.

Today my friend wanted me to meet her to show me a venue for a party but I don't wish to be heaving m chair in and out of my car with fresh stitches so told her such. I am now recovering on the sofa.

2011-06-08T09:14:00.002+01:00

It is my last day in Poland, there is not much to do where I am staying and I want the best recovery for my new bosoms so I have stayed in and slept as much as possible since my operation.

I don't even remember going 'under' on Monday, I saw the syringe of white fluid and watched them insert it into the cannulae in my hand and said good night as well as apologising in advance if I am strange when I awake (I have been known to be emotional or even rude on awakening). I came around back in my room in the clinic and I was woozy, tried to use my laptop, dropped my phone, all sorts. I went back to sleep and was in and out of conciousness until 8 am the next day. The nurse on watch was confused by my 'one use' catheter bags and tried to drain it so I showed her I had a new one and changed it. Her English wasn't very good so it was difficult.

At around 9am I had my bandages changed by the surgeon and I had a taxi back to my hotel where I spent most of my time in bed then I took the opportunity to have a shower to get the iodine smell off me (I smelled like raw beef on the turn).

This morning I had a follow up appointment which went well, everything is normal and I have little pain but a lot of swelling at the moment which will subside over the next few weeks to months.

2011-06-05T14:45:00.002+01:00

I am currently in Poland! I had a lift to the airport off a wonderful friend who also carried my cases where needed. In the airport, alone, I was fine. Til the plane had an engine problem and I had to wait 3 hours (thankfully it was only 3 hours) for a new plane to rescue me. I had 3 seats to myself so I curled up and had a nice nap on the way.

I was met at the airport by a taxi who brought me to my hotel (which is stunning) and I eased my back ached in the huge bed and had a wonderful sleep.

When I woke today I went to the restaurant and had dinner for breakfast and wheeld 500 metres to tesco to buy fruit juices and snacks. It is very wheelchair accessible plus there are cycle lanes everywhere. I have been getting lower back pain recently where I can't quite feel it so I am trying to sit everywhere in all positions to ease it. I have some Yoga stretches that I do but I think a massage would help ha xx

2011-05-31T13:29:00.002+01:00

As expected my latest flurrly of friends has died down because they have boyfriends. All this means is I have to go for carveries on my own, not a biggie. I got up yesterday on the promise that my friend (who has let me down about 5 times over 30 days) would come around after work to give me some money she has owed me since before I went to Egypt. Come 5pm still no word so I went for a carvery and drove to hers to get the money off her.

I got up this morning and I think we all know my routine now so I don't need to go into it ha ha x I had a shock as I forgot I dyed my hair last night. I've ran out of bright colours so I dyed it back black, permanent. Sad times, I was devastated before I even applied the dye! I got dressed into a pair of dark jeans with pink vest and grey spider web style tight jumper, had some cereal and am now cosied up in my pink slanket telling you all about it. I think I will go for a carvery later too, I felt amazing after my fix yesterday and I definitely had 3 of my 5 a day at least! I am on the hunt for some metal side guards for my chair as the plastic ones keep breaking.

2011-05-28T15:54:00.003+01:00

I've been in Swansea the last couple of days...

As it was quiet work wise and I still had another night in the hotel I went into Swansea town and had a meal in Nando's. I wanted an Italian but it stopped serving just as I arrived! After that I thought why not see what late showings are in the local cinema so I watched Insidious, on my own, then couldn't sleep as I was frightened! I enjoyed it, it was like the film Paranormal Activity. I hope to see Bad Teacher, X Men and the new Transformers film when they are out, as well as Harry Potter.

In the hotel they didn't have air con and the shower seat wasn't all that with me having to rest against cold tiles to shower. I didn't fall once though! To get to my car I had to wheel up an incline into the car park but I made it, tough cookie see ha ha xx

2011-05-25T18:37:00.002+01:00

I had my second Reiki attonement yesterday which means I can do distance healing and things. I am a skeptic about it all but there is no harm in trying! I must have drank too much after I woke up as I wet myself a little an hour before I usually go to the bathroom so I used the bathroom where I was learning my Reiki (which is fully accessible). After that I went to see my grandparents and gave them their Egyptian gifts. I had a sand picture in a bottle but the bottle broke! I then went home and put some washing in the machine and did the dishes. I have also been arranging a solo trip to Poland and sorting things out for that as it is happening soon!

2011-05-23T15:55:00.004+01:00

Last Thursday I finally got my wing mirrors fixed on my car, I hit one off and someone else hit the other off whilst I was parked outside voluntary work a while back. After that I went to my photographer's place to do a film with a young lady with MS. She is very beautiful and has the MS where some days she is fine and others she is really ill. She was having a good day the day we met so I let her use my chair for filming as not to tire her out, I had a shower for the scene. I plan to put it up in a few weeks.

Over the weekend I went to Tenby with my housemate for his mother's birthday. We were going to camp and I was so relieved to hear we could have a caravan. I made use of a spare indwelling catheter again so I wouldn't be worried about getting to the toilet. I still had to be carried about a little but it was so much better all round. We had her birthday BBQ on the campsite, it was tasty! As soon as I got home I removed the indwelling and went to bed. I did my usual morning thing when I finally got up, I had some mad dreams - dreamt I lived in a huge old house which was haunted as it was built on land where there was a lot of slave trade and many died on the spot the house was built. Creepy! I rarely get bad dreams but lately I've been getting them, something must be on my mind.

2011-05-18T14:31:00.002+01:00

It's hard to remember the last 2 to 3 weeks! I went to my Grandparents 60th wedding anniversary the weekend before Egypt which was wonderful, I love them so much it hurts!

I ended up partying until a day before my flight and had to get up at my friend's house at 3am to be home in time where I hurredly packed my case, did my bowel routine and had a shower before putting my own indwelling catheter in (the district nurse 'should' do it but it's easy'. I put a flip-flow valve on so I could attach or unattach a leg bag then got dressed into a pair of white ripped jeans and a top. Planes are always cold so I wore a shawl style top and we went on our way! I know it sounds awful but I do love the laziness of having an indwelling catheter but some days the only exercise I get is going to the toilet ha ha xx

At the airport our luggage went through, I wore an incontinence pad and brought spare panties and a spare pad just in case and we took my chair right into the craft, it was a little wider than the last planes we've been on! We slept on the plane as neither of us had much sleep that weekend and sadly, even though I had instructed so, my chair was not waiting for me at the plane. Never mind, I reluctantly got in the old age chair and picked mine up at the conveyor belt. A taxi was taken to the hotel and it was all perfectly accessible. In those countries they have bum washer hoses by the toilet and I was using that instead of my Peristeen kit ha ha!

Um, I went in the sea, the pool, on a boat trip then in the sea, all sorts. I only had to flush my catheter once (they can get blocked with sediment from the bladder) but sadly something irritated my guts and I had the runs on and off for one day and ended up having proper full on poops twice a day. 3 or 4 times I had to ask my housemate to carry me into the sea as I'd had an accident. I bought some anti bacterial tablets and hopefully everything will return to normal now I'm home.

They didn't have a roll in shower so I had to transfer onto the floor then into the shower using the nearby sink as leverage. I even got back in myself a couple of times but tiled floors are a nightmare I swear! To avoid injury I had help most of the time.

It was hard wheeling through the thick sand and I had a push a lot of the time, most of the holiday was spent lying on the beach on sun loungers and my tan is incredible! I was tanned before but now I'm black ha ha xx

We nearly missed our flight home due to an error in the tickets but I put on the tears and we got through, one of the pro's of being a woman and being disabled I guess! There were many people in chairs but they could all walk, cheaters! We arrived home at about 1am Tuesday morning and I can't believe it's Wednesday. I'm going for a carvery shortly, what a surprise ha ha xx

My Shark Dive For Charity!

2011-05-17T16:36:00.000+01:00

Hey guys, you know last year I did a sky dive? Well this year I'm doing a shark dive!

Please look at my Justhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif Giving page and feel free to donate :-)

2011-05-17T03:55:00.001+01:00

Hey guys I've literally just got back from Egypt so watch this space, I will share with you as soon as I have sorted my life out ha xx

2011-04-29T17:46:00.002+01:00

Well the big day is coming - my flight to Egypt! I've not actually done much since my last update, just usual out and about, sunbed, carvery, trying to top up my tan for free whilst the weather lasts! Tonight I am going to a friends where my housemate will assist me over the threshold and I have bought lots of weird and wonderful alcoholic beverages.

It is my grandparent's wedding anniversary celebration tomorrow so that will be lovely, I can't wait. I haven't got a card or fuck all yet though, I'm a bad granddaughter :-(

2011-04-24T12:48:00.003+01:00

It was sunny again on Wednesday and I had to collect my housemate from the airport. I was hoping to see my friend at half 1 until half 3 but she started delaying the time so I thought sod that and took myself to a local Beefeater and ate outside to catch some of the super sunshine. On the way to the airport I stopped in a supermarket and picked up a new laundry basket, some juice and some bottles of lager for my housemate and a very kind elderly gent carried it to my car. That was so sweet :-). I brought my housemate back to a semi clean apartment (better than it usually is haha) and I had made him a steak pie. He liked it too, and no one died!

On Thursday I had arranged a photo shoot for my friend as she has never had one and she is gorgeous, she ranged from sweet and innocent to attitude and even got naked! I got my dom gear on - thigh high boots, wet look leggings, white shirt and corset and had a few by myself then took advantage of her. She looks a bit shocked in the pictures, new see - I'll turn her! I got on the floor for some of them and deftly transferred back into my chair. I'm a pro now I swear! After I picked another friend up and we had a mini party, went to bed midday Friday and woke 10am Saturday which was lovely to catch the full day of delicious sun!

My friend has a tiny convertible and I wished to get some sun so we strapped the wheelchair to the back of my seat and went everywhere. It didn't budge, we had a wonderful day even when her car died at half 10pm (no water in the engine, oops!). My housemate picked us up, leaving the car there, and drove us back to hers as my car was there. He carried me into my seat leaving the wheelchair in his car and when we arrived home he reassembled it and I got in and came inside.

This morning I got up, had a shower in the bath, did my teeth, peristeen, moisturiser and got dressed into a cute red and white gingham skirt and white vest. I'm hoping my friend will beckon me as there is not much to do today otherwise and I get bored outside on my own.

2011-04-19T21:24:00.002+01:00

I've been sat in the sun today loving it. My friend text saying she was free so I eased a pair of tight denim shorts on and a stripey vest then forced a pair of yellow ballet pumps on my feet before making my way to the car where I transferred in and got the chair into the passenger seat piece by piece. At hers I reassembled it and used my banana board to get into it then wheeled down her path into the garden. She put a sheet down and I transferred onto the floor where we went through her college course work requirements and I helped her with essay structure. When we were done I got back into my chair which wasn't easy on the soft yet rough terrain and we got in my car and went for a carvery which was enjoyed in the beer garden of the carvery restaurant.

After she left I visited my grandparents and had to ask passers by to get my chair out of the boot. I wheeled into my grandparents home and transferred onto the sofa and put my feet up on my wheelchair. I had to leave at half 6 as I wished to go shopping as my housemate is arriving in Bristol airport tomorrow and I have my heart set on making him a steak pie (he's been on about one for months). My ex Chris came with me to assist me and I put the food away while he took clean clothes out of my washing machine and hung them to dry. I took him home and drove back, made some chicken snacks in the oven and mopped the floor.

I called the computer shop today to check on my laptop and it may be in store tomorrow to collect, I can't wait!

2011-04-18T15:31:00.002+01:00

I can't believe a week has flown by, I've been rushed off my wheels! On Wednesday I had two carveries - yes, I'm an addict! I did my usual morning routine and did my hair and make up before sliding into a pair of jeans and a vest with a lovely spiderweb style tight jumper over the top. I've been wearing flats a lot as I had a blister on my foot from when I went to London which has healed now. On Thursday I went to an Italian restaurant with a friend. Afterwards we met another friend and went for a drive and on Friday my friend and I drove to Bournemouth! We originally went to see an event named Bionic but when we arrived (at gone 11pm) we got into bed and went to sleep! It was worth it though as we were up at a lovely hour on Saturday and went around the town shopping and eating and in the night we graced the local clubs and pubs. It wasn't long til a group of men on a stag party took us under their wing and looked after us all night!

Whilst shopping I wheelied over a lip in a doorway too high and fell out of my chair. I soon got back in and the day continued as usual. I didn't wet myself once all weekend and Sunday was spent eating in a local bar followed by a tour of the amusements that were near the beach. We had a caricature drawn and went on a bungee ball and got a video... I'll edit the other people out and stick it online soon! I had to be carried into the ball and I used my wheelchair strap to secure my legs. It was a lot of fun! I wish we had stayed longer! We plan to to Brighton next seeing as we seem to like the letter B (we did Blackpool a month or so back).

Today my friend came over to help me tidy my apartment which was fantastic and even thought she only had an hour I feel better already. I did fall out of my chair in the kitchen though. In Bournemouth I fell off the bed twice haha!

2011-04-12T18:15:00.002+01:00

I've been in and out of my chair like a blue arsed fly today. At around midday I did my little morning stretch with my legs bent over the side of the bed and I raised my head and shoulders to look at my knees a few times to get those muscles going. I got into my wheelchair, grabbed a towel and did my usual morning thing. I got dressed into a pair of indigo jeans and a peach vest in bed and got back into my chair to have the last of the cereal and milk, making a mental note to get more of both as well as tinned cat food.

I was meant to pick a friend up for a meal at 3pm yet hadn't had any response from my numerous text messages since yesterday and I was up earlier than necessary to go to the wheelchair clinic for my new wheels and to see if they had a spare side guard. I got in the car and drove the 20 minute journey then got the wheelchair out followed by myself and went inside. I transferred onto a sofa while they attended to my chair's needs and I got some new side guards! I tried calling my friend a few times to no avail so I went to the supermarket and bought what I needed then came home and put some pork in the oven seeing as I missed out on my meal!

I took the dry clothes off the clothes horse and put them away followed by throwing out small bags of rubbish. I put freshly washed clothes on the clothes horse and put my slanket in for a well needed wash!

I have yet to take my car in for an estimate but I did remember to call voluntary work for a shift which didn't achieve much but I will chase them when I return from Bournemouth after the weekend. I'm hoping my friend will stick by her word of helping to tidy my flat before we go away for the weekend.

2011-04-11T17:42:00.002+01:00

I was up before midday (for a change) on the day of the wedding. I had a stretch on the bed with my legs dangling from the knee over the side before using my elbows to push myself upright before swinging into my wheelchair. I positioned my feet, grabbed a towel and went to the bathroom where I washed my face, brushed my teeth, got onto my toilet chair and did my Peristeen. While waiting for that to work it's magic I had an all over body wash and did my catheter. I double folded my towel and placed it on my wheelchair and transferred onto it then went back to my room where I picked up the clothes I'd chosen the night before and got into bed to get dressed. I decided on my pink dress, cream cardigan, cream high heeled shoes and skin colour fishnet stockings with which I had to wear a suspender belt to keep them up.

I used my banana board to get into the car as my feet slide when I wear heels. I pulled my legs to one side rather than have them open with the steering wheel between my legs as not to expose my saucy lingerie secret to the public. I drove to the church and got the wheelchair out then used the board to get in my chair and pushed myself over the road where an usher assisted me over a step and up a steep incline. When we were due to go into the church two ushers lifted me in my chair into the church - the same happened in reverse at the end.

My friend looked beautiful walking down the aisle and the ceremony was stunning, I shed a little tear of happiness and took several pictures.

At the reception I was carried upstairs, it was a bit covert - I must be that attractive that no one is allowed to carry me ha ha! The meal was lovely, everyone was friendly and it was a great day all round. I left at about half 7.

On Sunday I had a bath then went to Yoga which I did outside in my teacher's garden. It was a beautiful day (again) and my car said it was 20-21 degrees! We went through stretches and breathing techniques in and out of my chair (good thing I finally mastered my floor to chair eh?). Afterwards I went up the mountain for a steak roll, yum! I went to bed early as I promised to visit a friend and encourage her to do her college work.

This morning I got up and did my usual morning routine and my Peristeen and drove to my friend's. To get through her front door I just got out of my chair and shuffled over the threshold then back into my chair. I also did a stair climb to use her bathroom. Really kept fit lately haven't I, ha ha! We went for a carvery which was enjoyed outdoors in the sun though a few clouds did appear and it is quite breezy today. I took her home and when I got to mine realised she left my chair in the boot so I drove about til I found 2 young girls who assisted me. I wiped the kitchen floor down and did the dishes then got the mail. Nothing important (yay).

2011-04-08T23:38:00.002+01:00

Wednesday night I went to Cardiff with 2 friends to a cocktail bar. We all had food and even a few cheeky cocktails! It was all fully accessible and I went home alone as my friends wished to attend a venue with music I don't really like.

As I had already offered to take that lad for a meal on Thursday I stuck to my word. I started the day with a lovely sunbed and wheeled to a few shops in search of a white vest then I made my way to the supermarket and bought a Get Well Soon card for the lad's mother (she had been unwell), a bunch of oriental lilies for her and some cat treats for his cats. Dinner was divine and when I was ready I simply took him home and left. It was hard for me as I like him but I can't put up with the lack of interest. I don't know if he is not interested or busy but in my opinion it takes a few moments to compile and send a text message. Even when I am shockingly busy I always reply even just to say I am busy. I don't ignore people then go on Facebook on my mobile phone then claim to have been busy all day!

Thursday night my friend came over with her very large body builder friend. We went for a drive and when we returned I found I needed the toilet sooner than anticipated so I did my Peristeen, got changed, and we all went to another friend's house where I had to wheelie very high into the property and my friend shoved me in. The bathroom was tiny but the body builder was happy to carry me and lift me so my friend could help undress me for my catheter. We had some sleep then went to a comedy show but the second comedian was atrocious! He picked on me and not in a good way so obviously I said things back and he told me to fuck off, called me a cunt then said 'no one talks about the elephant in the room when it's dressed like a slag'. He didn't last long on stage and a few people left, my one friend even had a word with him and I can imagine how he felt when he saw me wheel past him... what a jerk!

Tomorrow I have a wedding to attend which I am so excited for!

2011-04-06T16:43:00.002+01:00

I still haven't taken my car for an estimate, I had my annual service on it yesterday and while I waited two friends came with me for a carvery (again yes haha) and when my car was done I followed my friend to her place and she jumped in my car and we went for a drive. At one point we had to stop up a mountain and I had to get my jeans down, shuffle onto the edge of my car door frame thing and try and get a catheter in to have a pee! I got it eventually, nearly slid out though! When I was done she helped pull me back into my seat where I lifted and she pulled my clothes back up. The things you do eh?

When I got home I did my Peristeen and went to bed then spilled red grape juice over the sheet! I quickly ripped the sheet off and put a towel over the wetness, pulling my legs about, and rushed the sheets into the sink with cold water to stop the staining. I transferred back onto the bed, changed the sheets and went to bed. I had to be up at 5am to take my housemate somewhere so I ended up missing this glorious day.

Oh, I also called things off with the lad I've been dating. For at least a week he's been replying to my text messages very, very late with various excuses yet I could see on his Facebook that he had been on there... on his mobile... so it wasn't like he didn't see my texts. I told him such and he didn't put up any sort of fight so I guess I was right when I thought he wasn't that interested. All signs point to it anyway even if he can't see it. I wasn't expecting marriage or anything, just some interest would've been nice. Never mind, I had 2 lovely dinners cooked for me and he was always a perfect gent with me, even carried me where it was needed. I just don't have it in me to chase someone and/or wait for their affection. A text in time saves 9 eh? LOL xx

2011-04-04T18:59:00.002+01:00

I'm using my old laptop for a while as I spilled water over my new one last night. I shook the water out as soon as it happened, switched it off and put it upside down but today it won't turn on. I immediately took it to the car and transferred in to drive to PC world. I hope they can repair it without losing any of my files!

After paying the hefty bill I decided to take my frustrations out on a carvery. At the moment I am on antibiotics for an infection in a cut on my foot and they give me a headache which hasn't improved my bad mood! When my housemate returns we are accompanying a friend to view a car and then I need to go to the supermarket.

I was supposed to take my car for an estimate for some damage caused while I was in voluntary work - some bad person hit my wing mirror and actually took the time to place the pieces on the bonnet of my car yet didn't leave their details. Thanks! I will take it on Wednesday now as I have a car service tomorrow. I have a carvery lined up for tomorrow while I wait and am seeing a friend Wednesday for a carvery too. Yum!

2011-04-02T15:13:00.003+01:00

It's a lovely day, I've just been over my grandparents to give my grandma her Mother's Day card. Tomorrow my friend and I plan to celebrate not being a mother's day ha xx I had my usual wash and catheter when I woke up and got dressed into a yellow skirt and black vest. I have scraped my foot somewhere and had to get antibiotics as it was swollen and weepy so I am wearing a pair of slip on shoes that are quite low down on the toes as not to rub my foot. I transferred into my car and brought the wheelchair behind me and drove to my grandparents house. I always park a little on the kerb to make sure my wheelchair doesn't fall between the kerb and the road.

I also discovered I am on the UK Flashers site with images and an intro clip

Some Pics

Intro Video

2011-03-31T17:06:00.002+01:00

I haven't stopped lately, it's nice to sit down and have a breather! I went to that lad's house for dinner on Wednesday like I said, I couldn't get up the little steep ramp to his door so I called him from outside and he pushed me in. I did a wheelie over the door frame and he had to push hard to get me in. Those door frames are hard work, it's easier to do a step! The food was delicious and his bathroom just about accessible. I'm surprised I didn't take the toilet seat off though whilst wriggling back into my knickers and jeans. We watched a film or 2 on some cushions on his living room floor and where I had been working in London I was so tired I nearly fell asleep. Being a gent he said I could stay, I accepted and nothing untoward happened, it was all very nice. Getting a bit sick of my housemate's girlfriend asking 'what's going on with that lad?'. I'm not a freak like her, I don't tell people on the first date 'if you don't love me we may as well just be friends'. It's always the freaks who ask stuff like that. Why does anyone have to label anything? It doesn't make a difference to anything with or without a silly label on.

I went to have my nails done today as one snapped before the weekend. Had a sunbed too and got back to find I needed the toilet a little more than I had anticipated so I did my Peristeen and changed my clothes. Picking a friend up at half 7 for food and maybe a film.

2011-03-28T22:08:00.002+01:00

I'm still in London, saw 2 clients last night who weren't devs and just liked the look of me. During my modelling shoot I had a few calls which was a shame especially as tonight I've had no interest at all! Instead I had a client from last night take me for food tonight, and he paid :-)

The shoot was tiring but fun, Louisa from Wheelie Chix is fantastic, I really like her. I hope I get to work with her soon. Hopefully you'll see me on their site soon :-)

I have to check out by midday tomorrow (sad face) and the guy I've had 2 dates with says he will cook for me, happy days, I'm well up for that!

Last night I got on the floor and gave my wheelchair a good scrub ready for today and had a shower and shaved. The lighting is poor here but I did bring my camera just in case!

2011-03-26T22:19:00.002Z

I've been up to all sorts the past week, I stayed at a friend's from Wednesday til Friday which really helped with my independence as I was fine with all my needs even if I needed a little hand up steps and things. Tonight I went to a hen party in my thigh high boots plus tutu and fishnet top, I had to dye my hair black for a photo shoot Monday and I am off to London tomorrow - I'll be back Tuesday some time. I'm so worn out from the week that I decided not to tolerate the post match piss heads in Cardiff (friend's birthday) and cosy up on the sofa in my slanket instead xx

Oh... I had a date Tuesday to the carvery and cinema yesterday (he carried me to a seat and said I'm light and even gave me a lovely massage). Will keep you all posted, don't go jumping the guns now (Ozzo in particular haha) xx Where I had been put and about all week I couldn't text all the time and felt a bit dodgy, I didn't want him to think I wasn't interested. I invited him to the cinema late Friday afternoon and said I'll be away til Tuesday and he agreed. I always like someone who agrees at short notice. We saw Limitless, it was good but had a shit ending. I'll try not to think too much about things, see how it goes!

2011-03-20T11:12:00.002Z

It's been a glorious weekend, I've been carried where needed and sunbathed outside. I'm just waiting for my friend to pick me up to see a psychic but her phone is off.... hope she hasn't slept in. She dumped her fella Wednesday and I'm praying she hasn't taken him back when she was lonely last night.

I had a carvery after voluntary work on Friday, I love them! In the same place they do breakfasts that are all you can eat so we went there yesterday but they had run out of most of the extras! One man complained so he got his money back, I was too tired to so suffered the mediocre selection.

2011-03-17T18:02:00.003Z

Yesterday I went to see the girl I had visited in hospital. I transferred into the car, as usual, and drove to her address and we went for a carvery. I needed the veg, I've been craving it and once I'd eaten it I felt tip top. I hope to have another tomorrow.

Last night I was tired by 10pm so I went to bed and slept straight through til 6am. I was meant to do my Peristeen last night but luckily I didn't have an accident. I did a catheter in bed then got up and did my Peristeen before having a shower in the bath. I did my usual moisturise/get dressed, putting on a nice pleated denim mini as it was a super sunny day. I had an appointment with my Botox lady as I wasn't completely satisfied with my treatment. I transferred onto the massage couch and she sorted me out, I'm happy as Larry now! Before that I drove to Aberdare and booked an appointment to get 2 nails fixed and my nails filled. Then I looked around the shops and had a sunbed. I went to Asda and discovered I'd wet myself in the time it took me to drive to Asda from the sunbed shop and rinsed my panties in the sink then blow-dried them and put them back on.

Now I'm home, I just sliced and ate an avocado and am waiting for him indoors to come home so I can do dinner. I've also made him a proposition.... we'll see, if it comes to fruition that is.

2011-03-14T19:53:00.003Z

As I was sat on the sofa surfing the net in my slanket my friend text me as she was in Carmarthen with some friends but her one friend had seriously upset her. I immediately offered to pick her up and she agreed so I went to the toilet then rushed to the car. My housemate did my wheelchair for me and off I went.

Once I had picked her up we went to a drive through McD's as I was starving and filled up my petrol. We drove around for a bit then went to a friend's house where I got carried to the sofa. We left not long after and I took her home. Just as I was settling down to sleep the door went. It was another friend looking for my housemate. I let him in and we had a chat til he fell asleep so I went back to bed. He woke up and said his farewells and I went back to sleep.

This morning I needed to do my Peristeen as I didn't do it last night so I decided to set my camera up to film my morning routine.

2011-03-12T16:09:00.003Z

I had voluntary work yesterday and went to the cinema. As usual I had plenty of calls and texts waking me up the night before. I don't hear a peep out of my phone if I have no plans to stay in yet as soon as I get work or anything I have to be up early for it's like a call centre in my bedroom! I got up at about half 11 to be ready for voluntary work and after I took myself to the carvery. Last time I had v work I was so hungry I wasn't thinking straight and went to McD's and got 2 burgers when I could have had a carvery for less money! Plus it's clearly more nutritional.

At half 8 I picked my friend up to go to the cinema. I don't even ask them to carry me now. I transferred to the floor and lifted myself up 3 rows and into my chosen seat. I'm getting fast too! I'll have to start advertising when I'll be at the cinema so Devs can come and watch ha ha xx it's too dark to film it and every time I do it I think 'I could have filmed that'.

2011-03-10T23:37:00.002Z

I didn't go to the hospital yesterday, I had to make some phone calls to sort something out then really wanted a sunbed so I had a shower in my bath and when I was all dried and dressed went to my sunbed place. I broke a nail last week so I wheeled to the salon but it was fully booked. On the way back to the car I hit a pit hole or something and nearly fell out of my chair. I was all over the place and no one ran to my aid! I didn't fall out which is the main thing, but I can get back in anyway ha ha x

At 5 my friend picked me up. As I'm on the passenger side I don't take my board - instead I grab onto the handle on the ceiling and swing myself in. To get out I dangle my legs out and use the roof of the car and my chair to get in. We went for a meal and then the cinema - the same cinema that let a man carry me to my seat but then wouldn't let anyone carry me back to it due to 'health and safety'. I transferred to the floor and shuffled to the seat while the usher just watched! No one was there to watch me get back except my friend, she is too small to carry me.

I didn't drink that much yesterday yet twice I wet myself. Once in the morning and once when I was out. Not much I can do about it when I'm out and it's never much so I just absorb as much as I can in tissue and put some in my knickers so there is no damp next to my skin. I did my Peristeen when I got in too as sometimes a full bowel can encourage bladder accidents. I was due anyway.

I visited the hospital again today, no disabled parking again. I parked as close to the car on my passenger side as I could and luckily came back to enough space to get in my car. I didn't go to the Tesco I went to the previous times I went to the hospital as the trolley pusher there makes stupid comments about my wheelchair. Would he say to a person 'don't walk too fast will you?' yet he found it amusing to say 'don't go speeding'. Silly me just put on a smile and went on my way but secretly I wanted to give him a piece of my mind and I normally would! Well, I won't go to that store again in case it happens again, I'd rather not listen to shit like that. Instead I went to an Asda, I prefer Asda anyway. And no one bothered me!

2011-03-08T14:03:00.002Z

The lady who does my Botox advised me not to use a sunbed for 2 weeks while some filler I had injected 'settles'. This is killing me as it's an excuse to get out of my apartment, plus I hate not keeping my tan in check. Only another week to go though.

Yesterday I got up and opened all the curtains to let in the beautiful sun we've been having lately. I got my laptop ready and went online to discover my friend's sister had been moved to a regular ward after being taken in to Intensive Care on the weekend. I've never met her but I took my opportunity and put my make up on, got into the car and drove to the hospital. There was a massive queue for parking but I drove straight across and found a bay which wasn't disabled but the gap between my car and the next car was ample to get out. This wasn't the case when I got back and I had to ask a passer by to reverse my car out so I could get in.

On the way to the hospital I stopped at a massive Tesco and got a copy of Bizarre magazine, a box of mushroom soup sachets (I know she likes mushroom soup!) and a pasta chicken thing. I didn't bother with a get well card, fruit or chocolates as she is diabetic plus everyone gets fruit and cards in hospital. If anything these were the main things that irritated me when I was in spinal rehab. I threw the cards out anyway, waste of a few quid even though I do appreciate the sentiment.

She was really pleased to see me, there is no mistaking me with my pink hair and wheelchair. We chatted for ages and I met her male friend who was recently a boyfriend but they split. He's clearly still mad about her, I could tell. Let's hope he doesn't end up hurt but that's his problem as she isn't leading him on.

At about 4pm I went to the disabled toilets and did a catheter then came home just before my housemate arrived. I was particularly pleased when he cooked dinner! I also had an email from my one on one Yoga class with a sheet of my exercises. I will try and pin my housemate down so I can show you all my sexy stretchy sequence!